Wednesday, January 11

Repairing My Damaged Relationship With Rock Climbing



Christmas vacation was so nice. Two weeks with the kids, relaxing around the house. Sleeping in and watching movies because it was so cold outside. It was perfect! 

One of the days, the older boys and I decided to go do something and after a few exchanges back and fourth of ideas that seemed fun, we settle on indoor climbing. 

I am not gonna lie, I was not super excited at first. In a few months it will be the anniversary of the night I fell and broke my leg indoor climbing. When we were driving to the rock gym, the boys were chatting back and forth and I just kept saying to myself "it's okay to be scared, just don't ruin it for the boys."

This will be their first time really climbing and I wanted them to feel safe and not hindered by my fear, and just as I thought, they took to it like naturals. 








Me on the other hand, I had to go slowly. I wasn't too sure how it would all go, but in the end, it actually felt nice being there again. The boys and I plan to return soon. I think next time I might actually get on the wall too.



I spent most of the drive home lost in thought about everything that happened after that night all those years ago. I kept thinking how much my life changed after my climbing accident and how so much of that shitty moment in my life, brought with it some of the greatest things I could have ever imagined.

First and possibly the biggest thing, my blog. After falling and being unable to walk for weeks on end, the suggestion of starting a blog to write my stories from my time as an EMT and to share my experience of the recovery was a god sent, it kept my mind busy and gave me some semblance of purpose when I couldn't even go to the bathroom alone.

The blog has been a blessing and a curse at times. I have had readers judge me based on things I have written, from commenting hurtful thing about me leaving the mormon church, to recently being told I am an unfit parent because of how upset I was (and talked to my doctor about Ativan) after my friend was killed and 4 months later my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

Thank god readers and ignorance like that is few and far between.

As horrible as it is when people think they can use my blog against me which might deter others from continuing with it, my blog is the major reason I got the job at 102.3 NOW! radio. So, like everything, you need to take the bad with the good.

This blog has been my sanity for years, it has helped me meet and connect with others going through similar things in their lives, and has been a constant opportunity for me to tell my story to my kids and maybe one day, grandchildren. I am also proud to say this blog has inspired two other blogs (that I know of), and the idea that people feel free to share thoughts and ideas because I was, that's a damn good feeling.

Going back to the rock climbing gym was such a nice reminder that things don't hurt forever. No matter how painful and awful things are and how you sometimes get lost in the moment and can't imagine it ever ending, before you know it 7 years goes by and you actually can feel grateful for the pain and the realignment life takes after.


It was a good day.


J




Today:

I am grateful for music and the time machine it is and the power it has to remind me of past joys.

I am grateful for healed hurts, broken things repairing themselves, even if not perfectly, enough to carry on.

I am grateful that car air fresheners are strong enough to mask the small of dog vomit in my car.