Monday, January 23

More Firsts: Today Is My Moms Birthday.

It's safe to say I have been off all morning. I'm annoyed by little things and have been physically uncomfortable, not exactly sure what to do to make that better.

Normally that's a pretty good indicator that I need to get something off my chest, and I know what it is today.

Today is Mom's Birthday. 

While I was getting ready for my meeting, I kept thinking about last year, and the days I got to spend with her to celebrate last years birthday, her last birthday.  Funny today is very similar weather wise as it was last year.

The day I arrived in chase (last year) my parents picked me up from the airport, and we had gone shopping at a second hand store and I found this umbrella. What an odd thing, but now It makes me think of her every time I look at it.

 We also went to the Big Box store (moms favourite place aside from Value Village). We went in looking for a birthday gift for Joey (her sister) their birthdays are only a few days apart, and my mom found a beautiful white winter jacket. It fit her so she knew it would be perfect for Joey. She also bought her a pair of workout pants and we picked up a few extra odds and ends.

On the drive back to the house mom said to me, "I think I'll keep the Jacket, I really like it. Joey can have it later."

I ignored that, but I knew what she meant.

For the day of moms birthday we spent the day with Aunty Joey and we went into Kamloops for a massage and spa day. It was so nice getting to have the entire drive with mom. We took the truck and I was driving. Mom and I talked the entire time and the child in me loved having my moms attention all to myself during that hour.

Kamloops is a tricky city if you're not familiar with it and to get to the spa we had to go down a steep hill. I am not super comfortable there and really not great with my parents truck, and half way down the hill to get to our appointment the truck stalled out and the steering wheel locked up.

I was terrified, and tried to not freak out to my mom. I had to do a quick lane change and muscle the wheel to the right to turn onto an off road so I could restart it. When I changed lanes and made an unexpected turn (we were following my aunt) my mom asked, a little concerned,  "whats going on?". I got us stopped and took a second to breath. My hands were shaking a little and I started nervous laughing that the truck stalled. My mom clearly had not noticed anything and with a big smile said "well done little girl."

Her praise feeds me even now. I could cry just thinking about her feeling safe with me.

After I got the truck restarted and we were back on our way, my mom informed me that one of her biggest regrets was that her and I never travelled together. Secretly it's one of mine as well. I always tried to keep my composure when I was around my mom when she was sick, I didn't feel like crying was ever helpful, so I just smiled and said "me too". To which she said, "well, when this is all done, you and I should go to Mexico next year", "A girls trip" and then she touched my hand and squeezed it.

There isn't much I want more right now.

When we got to the spa we parked and went into the Bulk Barn to get mom a snack of mixed nuts before our appointments. I know exactly which ones she got. Weird, I can still see them in my mind.

It was so lovely to laugh and talk. Spending the day with these two was wonderful. I cherish this memory so much.

After,  we went out to dinner and, as my mom always does, she would pay no attention to the fact it was her birthday too and she focused on her sister. We got her a little cake (that they shared) and we had a nice little dinner just the three of us.

She's wearing the Jacket she bought for Joey to Joeys birthday party!! This picture makes me laugh and cry at the same time. I have no fucking idea why she picked a Zero for the candle...her sick humour I guess.

I miss her and just wanted to make sure she knows I have thought about her all day today.

Love you mom.



I am so grateful I got to spend so much time with you last year.

I am grateful for pictures and how they make me feel.

I am grateful for getting to know you better, and having these moments to think about as I get older.

Thank you for reading this and thinking of my mom.


Kirstan C. Sonnenberg said...

I am so glad that you got to spend that time with your mom. It will never make your heart hurt less but the little moments you spent that make you smile you'll remember forever. <3

Unknown said...

I am so glad you were able to be with your Mom during her battle. I have had some really great dreams involving her this past month. She has been on my mind a lot. Will miiss her all my life. You have some great photos and memory's.