Tuesday, December 29

Christmas Day In Chase

 I am home. Back at it. I feel like it takes me longer each time I come back to readjust to "this hat". My mind often wanders back to mom and I find myself less able to just snap back.

Days with mom are structured. Pills, food/juice, naps, research online and we start all over again every hour or two.

I find it extremely challenging having to return to a life of parenting and responsibility. Nurturing is a very dominate personality trait of mine and it's weird, I feel the pull towards mom, but I know I have to be here for the kids. It is SO HARD to have to sort your own emotional crap while you have young kids. To have to fill others buckets when yours is so empty. BLAH!!

Anyway, I digress from this blog post.

Christmas is done now for another year. It was a lovely day. There were no more incidents of friendly fire after the first 2 days, thank god. We all put away our weapons and had a nice time. I can feel the hot bed still bubbling just under the surface of everyone.... but for this day,  it was peaceful.

Christmas morning was really beautiful, I was up early and took some fantastic pictures.

Mom, Adele, Suri and I went out for a walk before we opened gifts. 

My brother Dawson got an old TV/radio from our Grandparents that takes only 12 DD  batteries. lol

I got a lovely candle holder set.

 My Mom had these metal animals made for each of us. I love mine! It now has permanent residency on our front step. Its quirky and charming.

Every year my mom gets me a turtleneck shirt for the office. This years came with matching pants. I will be wearing the pants tomorrow to work. They are ridiculous... but I love them.

Later, after gifts and before my mom laid down for her nap we chatted with the kids on FaceTime.
I missed those little creatures so much.

The rest of the afternoon, before dinner was spent like every afternoon is spent. reading, searching. Trying to find something to try. An idea to bring to the doctors, something that has had success for someone somewhere.

Dinner was amazing,  it was a group effort with the cooking. It might have been the best Christmas dinner I have ever had. But I think I feel they way because mom was able to eat a small amount of it. It was a nice feeling to see her getting to be "normal".

The good feelings were short lived when I saw how much pain and discomfort mom was in after consuming food like that. Her new stomach and organs have only had to deal with fresh vegetable juices and broth soups for the last few weeks... meat and sugar was not a welcome visitor.

Thats' my dad wishing me a merry Christmas!

My Grandfather was so dapper that night.

I bought my grandad some picture books about airplanes.  I hate how he sits and listens to us all talk but clearly can't hear or follow along in conversation.  SO I wanted him to have something to do that he would enjoy.
Dawson spent time with him reading them and listening to him tell stories about the planes he had flown years and years ago.

The AMAZING thing about Alzheimer's is how some memories are gone (he doesn't ever remember me) yet he can tell you every single plane in that book before he reads the names.
It's such a curious disease. So unkind and hard to watch.

I don't have a super close relationship with my grandmother. I really never have.
But I tell you what. This Christmas my heart broke into a thousand pieces for her. I watched her saying good bye to my mom after our evening was over in this picture and she completely broke down.

That's when it dawned on me. I can't believe I have never thought about it before that moment. My mom is her baby. No parent should ever have to watch their child suffer and my poor grandmother not only struggles with her own health, she has to do the day to day things for my grandfather with his Alzheimer's, AND watch all this happen to my mom. I just hugged my grandmother and let her cry. And I didn't even feel like letting go.

And now, now I need to get back to work and need to plan a 14th birthday party and be Joelle wearing this hat for a few weeks. Until I can get back out there. 

It was a good Christmas. 



I am so bloody grateful for points that allow me to fly. I hated driving there and won't do it again once airfare goes back down to non Christmas time prices. 

I am grateful for freshly waxed eyebrows. 

I am grateful for the illusion of sanity. 

Ooh and I am ever so grateful for finally getting to see the new Star wars movie. 2 hours of escape. 2 hours of getting to be a Jedi where good always wins.