Wednesday, December 23

Cancer Is Like A Tornado

I drove for 12 hours yesterday to get to my parents place. I hate driving this time of year on BC roads. The huge semi trucks seem to have all of the confidence of the grade 12 boys and just plow down the roads without a care in the world.

I was in  4X4 truck and still felt scared that I'd get thrown into the lockers. I am a good driver too. I had to make a few stops along the way from boredom, and having to use the bathroom. It's beautiful but scary as hell.




By the time I finally arrived I had listened to my thousands of songs at least twice. I even had an imaginary 4 song karaoke competition that I was victorious in, obviously.

WHAT.A.BORING.DRIVE!!!

I walked into the house, sore, tired and starving, and was greeted with hellos and the smell of something wonderful cooking in the oven.

Mom was doing stretches on the floor and was just getting up when hugs were being handed out. I had to be very mindful of my facial expressions when she finally stood up and I could see all of her.   It's shocking how much weight she has lost in the week since I saw her last. She could not get up from her stretches unassisted, which seemed to age her more. The veins in her hands look strained and she is really fidgety. The discomfort/pain is clear and she can only sit in a position for no more that 3 minutes. If that. Up down, up down, rubbing her back ...up down up down again. Heating pads are her new accessory with every outfit.




We all caught up and were chatting about what friends of my parents had come to visit. We all talked about what's planned for the week and that's when the tornado fired up..

Cancer is like a tornado. Well, maybe the cancer isn't like the tornado, but cancer causes the perfect environment for a tornado. Differing opinions, feelings, experience and approaches to stressful things are laying the ground work for a tornado. They are the weather, and when the weather is just right the tornado appears.
Hacking and slashing, ripping through whatever is in its way.  Raised voices and emotion swirling around in a hotbed of feelings. I am confident it's all just sadness, but its wearing an anger costume.

After the heated exchange, I lost my appetite.



It's crazy to think that this thing the size of a golf ball can hurt a family and cause such conflict.

I hope our family can come out of this still a family.

In the mean time, it's Christmas. Whatever that means.


J


Today:

I am grateful for my moms friends who are taking such good care of her physically and emotionally.






I am grateful for time. Time with mom this next week.



I am grateful for my ability to sing along, in time, to 90's rap songs. It will come in handy one day. I just know it.