Sunday, November 22

Adulting...Waaay Over Rated!

I think I am fast approaching my max of what I can handle stress wise. What is the max? When I reach it what exactly will occur? I am hoping a buzzer goes off so there will be no mistaking it.

I am in new territory of this stress game. It's a fun game, its always throwing you a new pitch, it likes to keep things interesting.

I am past the over eating, just turned the corner on the non sleeping thing, took a right at constantly grumpy and am going full speed ahead to complete insanity, and by insanity I mean, I don't cry at things that actually SHOULD make me cry like talking with people about how I'm doing or videos about military families reuniting. No!! No emotion to RELEVANT things, but show me a bloody dog or cat video and I'm a blubbering mess. Or worse, those videos where different and unexpected animals are friends, like the goat and the horse and I'll burst into tears and cry enough for 3 people.  Like I said....insanity.

On top of that, Jason and I seem to be sharper with each other when we speak, which is completely new for us.  Granted we have not been together 2 years yet, so we are still rather new. Maybe it was only a matter of time until we became this way, but nothing thus far suggested we were headed this direction, so I feel it's safe to assume this is due to stress. I don't like this, I like staying in the proverbial honeymoon stage for as long as humanly possible.

And the cherry on the top of the last few weeks is when I woke from a dead sleep the other night at 2 am with chest pains. Shot straight up from the completely prone position.

 I have never had chest pains before, so I was a little shocked when they didn't just go away. The pain was so intense I actually considered calling the ambulance. Jason got out of bed and demanded I get into the truck and he was going to take me. I refused so he, annoyed with my stubbornness,  just went back to bed. It happened a few more times and finally quit around 3am.

I kept thinking back to all those times when I was an EMT and  I picked up people who were just having Angina or a panic attack and remember thinking, DUHH how could you confuse this with a REAL heart attack.... ooh I'll tell you how snotty 20 year old Joelle, CAUSE IT F#CKING HURTS, and it's in your chest and that's scary and you don't know how to make it stop, and it's hard to breath!! I could smack 20 year old me right now for her insensitivity.

If nothing else these last few months have been delivering me a nice huge serving of humble pie.

I was talking to a friend of mine the other night and when I asked her how she handles stress (she experienced some personal things similar to all this not too long ago) she said stress presents itself as  patches of her skin blowing up bright red and is painful and irritated.  So I guess we all have our own ways of dealing with this grown up stuff.

Adulting blows sometimes.

Moms Surgery is booked for the beginning of December. I am glad we have a date now. She will have a pre-op appointment the end of November, then if everything is still a go, she will be done with this before Christmas!

I need some suggestions for Apps, Good Books and Movies to put on moms iPad so she doesn't go completely loopy in the hospital, so any and all suggestions are welcome.

...and a tranquilizer gun if you have one. I could really use that too.


I am grateful I didn't have a heart attack.

I am grateful for the glorious distraction of work and for good people there. It's nice to escape.

I am grateful for generosity, I see so many good people doing so many good things for others, it fills my bucket. We got to help with the Ronald McDonald House this last week at work and so many loving people more than filled its shelves for these children for Christmas. Sigh... People are amazing!