Tuesday, October 27

Day 1 In Chase With Mom.

I arrived in Chase. My dad picked me up at the airport.
My flight was uneventful, which I am pretty proud of considering the guy in front of me was banging his seat which jolted my diet coke all over the place and the woman
behind me was clipping her finger nails. (I didn't yell at anyone)
I am far too impatient for things like that. I believe you would call me a bitch right now. And I would agree with you.

It was a lovely day to fly, and the clouds were amazing.

My dad Steve picked me up and he talked non stop the entire drive home from the airport.

When I arrived at the house,  the first thing mom and I did was go for a walk. The first thing I noticed is she is a little jaundice. My dad says its more noticeable in the mornings, but she says she is feeling good and in good spirits. So my anxiety is a little less right now being physically with her.

Our walk was exactly what I needed. Chase has always been my happy place, it was good to revisit it and see everything during the change of season. Everything is still beautiful and green. But the cold air was a silent reminder change is near.

The lake is still and ready for winter. The brisk cold air is refreshing but daunting. It is the salmon run so it smells horrific right now. Dead fish washed up on shore everywhere.

Fall is always my favourite.

My mom started writing a journal, I can't bring myself to read it yet, even though I have permission. I got chills when I saw the quote on the front.

Dinner time was really interesting. For the last week, since my mom found out about the cancer, my brother has re directed their thinking towards food and she and my dad have been juicing and eating smoothies. Trying to help my mom feel less uncomfortable (less bloating and pain from food)
Normally after a meal she is in a lot of discomfort, so juicing/smoothies has become a family thing now. We are all in this together.

Dawson was cooking tonight....and by cooking I mean making juice.

I drank a smoothie and had a bottle of wine. Pretty much the greatest meal I have ever eaten! I am so hungry right now but I feel guilty eating anything "real" cause my mom is only eating juice. I can't even imagine what my body will be like after a full week of nothing but a liquid diet.

After dinner we played cards. Talked openly about the questions we are all going to ask the specialist in the morning. We even made a list of everything we want to ask, to make sure nothing gets forgotten.

Later we all went for a walk because mom was feeling some pain in her side after sitting for so long after the card game.

While walking tonight, my mom asked how I am doing. I told her I am so scared. I am scared about what the doctor is going to say tomorrow. I am scared how I am going to react. I want to be helpful and strong, but I worry that I won't be. I can not tell you how thankful I am that we are all here together. Dealing with this as a until.




I am just grateful mom is not in a lot of pain.