Thursday, October 22

Not Too Sure What To Title This One.

I am half a bottle of red in already and I still have no idea how to write this.

Yes, that does seem like a bit much for a week night...judgment accepted. But I haven't filled my prescription yet that I got yesterday for Ativan from the walk in clinic I went to because my doctor doesn't have an opening until December. I have never taken Ativan, until this week, but I just couldn't go through another few months of panic and anxiety attacks while trying to work and parent. It's been a long summer already, and apparently it's not over yet.

My mom was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer 3 days ago.

Let me just start by saying how sorry I am if you know my mom and this is how you are finding out.

Let me also follow that with, do not google anything related to Pancreatic Cancer. That's never a good idea.

Googling pancreatic cancer now falls under the umbrella of bad choices. Along with driving blindfolded, getting out of the car to take pictures of the bear on the side of the road in Jasper and Banff, and actually writing your pin number ON your bank card. Immediate, but it's really fucking stupid.

I have spoken/texted my parents more these last 3 days then I normally do in an entire year. I will also be going out to BC with my brother next week to accompany mom and Steve to her specialist appointment in Kelowna.

I wasn't sure how I felt about writing all of this. I haven't been blogging much lately, but my mom gave me her blessing in hopes that it might help someone else. If you knew my mother, you know how incredibly private she is, so, this will not be taken lightly by me.

So, there it is. Blog 1 of this next journey.



Bonnie Riverwood said...

I'm so sorry for you and your Family. Our parents are one of our greatest treasures so when they get sick it's devastating. Stay strong <3

Leah M said...

Oh Jo. What to say?
I'm glad you are acknowledging your bodily/mental needs and taking care of yourself, keep that up and that's the best thing you can do for anyone. Love you.

Tracy Gibson said...

Wow. So sorry for your mom and your family and YOU. My heart aches for you. I'm glad you saw a doctor and are taking care of yourself because you need sleep and strength. I hope you find both my friend. Hugs.

Tracy Gibson said...

Wow. So sorry for your mom and your family and YOU. My heart aches for you. I'm glad you saw a doctor and are taking care of yourself because you need sleep and strength. I hope you find both my friend. Hugs.

Beverley Hasinoff said...

So sorry for what you and your family are facing. You're Mom is right though and sharing may help someone else but more importantly it can help you. I still remember the call when my father had his first seizure which was caused by a Grade IV Glioblastoma, a rapidly growing terminal brain cancer. Shock, devastation, panic...there aren't even words to describe the feelings. And agreed...using google was one of the worst decisions I made too until I decided that whatever the great world wide web had to say on the matter was not going to affect the time I had remaining with him.

Despite the complications, a month of daily radiation treatments, continual chemo, exhaustion, worry, sadness, anger we decided what we would focus on was the quality of time we had remaining. We still laughed, joked (dark humor included), hugged, made memories, and said I Love You over and over and over again. The journey is hard there is no doubt and not everything is in our control but control what you can and make the most of what you will have.

He was given 12 months to live from diagnosis but he fought and he had another 19 months with us. He passed away peacefully on January 13, 2015 and yes it hurts and I miss him terribly but I have no regrets. My thoughts and prayers are with you...

Dennis Nash said...

I guess I am finding out by your blog. I am shocked. So many things are going on my head is spinning with your Grand Parents, My Folks and so on. God, Bless, prayers headed your way,

and keep strong, Your cousins, Dennis and Isabelle

steve l said...

Hi Joelle

Welsh steve��

My huge welsh heart goes out to you, your mum and the rest of your family, I am not a religious man but I will say a few words to the big man for you guys.

If I can help in anyway please ask, if I can help I will.

Safe travels and be positive big hugs

Philip Penrod said...

Joelle, words fail at a time like this. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family and I know the same is true of countless other friends because of the type of people you and your mom are.
May you know deep peace in the midst of this trial. Phil.