Tuesday, October 27

Day 1 In Chase With Mom.

I arrived in Chase. My dad picked me up at the airport.
My flight was uneventful, which I am pretty proud of considering the guy in front of me was banging his seat which jolted my diet coke all over the place and the woman
behind me was clipping her finger nails. (I didn't yell at anyone)
I am far too impatient for things like that. I believe you would call me a bitch right now. And I would agree with you.

It was a lovely day to fly, and the clouds were amazing.

My dad Steve picked me up and he talked non stop the entire drive home from the airport.

When I arrived at the house,  the first thing mom and I did was go for a walk. The first thing I noticed is she is a little jaundice. My dad says its more noticeable in the mornings, but she says she is feeling good and in good spirits. So my anxiety is a little less right now being physically with her.

Our walk was exactly what I needed. Chase has always been my happy place, it was good to revisit it and see everything during the change of season. Everything is still beautiful and green. But the cold air was a silent reminder change is near.

The lake is still and ready for winter. The brisk cold air is refreshing but daunting. It is the salmon run so it smells horrific right now. Dead fish washed up on shore everywhere.

Fall is always my favourite.

My mom started writing a journal, I can't bring myself to read it yet, even though I have permission. I got chills when I saw the quote on the front.

Dinner time was really interesting. For the last week, since my mom found out about the cancer, my brother has re directed their thinking towards food and she and my dad have been juicing and eating smoothies. Trying to help my mom feel less uncomfortable (less bloating and pain from food)
Normally after a meal she is in a lot of discomfort, so juicing/smoothies has become a family thing now. We are all in this together.

Dawson was cooking tonight....and by cooking I mean making juice.

I drank a smoothie and had a bottle of wine. Pretty much the greatest meal I have ever eaten! I am so hungry right now but I feel guilty eating anything "real" cause my mom is only eating juice. I can't even imagine what my body will be like after a full week of nothing but a liquid diet.

After dinner we played cards. Talked openly about the questions we are all going to ask the specialist in the morning. We even made a list of everything we want to ask, to make sure nothing gets forgotten.

Later we all went for a walk because mom was feeling some pain in her side after sitting for so long after the card game.

While walking tonight, my mom asked how I am doing. I told her I am so scared. I am scared about what the doctor is going to say tomorrow. I am scared how I am going to react. I want to be helpful and strong, but I worry that I won't be. I can not tell you how thankful I am that we are all here together. Dealing with this as a until.




I am just grateful mom is not in a lot of pain.


Leah M said...

And that is absolutely something to be very grateful for.

Unknown said...

No pain, is definitely a good thing. I also have cancer and more than anything, this journey/battle is hers whether she wins or not. Though we all pray she wins. You're her daughter, she's not gonna mind you eating but will love the solidarity you're all showing her. And you are allowed to be bitchy. my one piece of advice is every cancer patients journey is different. So please, though people like to share their own stories, Ask them to refrain unless you think it will help. I can't tell you how many times I have had to justify why I'm still sick when they knew someone that has survived, especially when it doesn't look like that's going to be my outcome. They then think I've given up. I haven't. I have two beautiful almost grown sons and they are what keep me going until that no longer works. If all cancers were the same we would have had cures years ago. My thoughts are with you. I have been listening to you on now radio since you first came on. I'm now living in Winnpeg so I don't get to hear much anymore. I do love the gratitude thing you have started and I think now more than ever you're going to need it. Good luck to you and all your family

Unknown said...

Joelle..I send you huge hugs and prayers. My Mom battled cancer, she was diagnosed in 2011. She did beat it after a 3 year fight..but it changed me, who I am, for life. I stood by her through Chemo/radiation/surgeries. All with (mostly) a smile and positive words of encouragement, but each night sobbed myself to sleep in my husbands lap, fearing the worst and barely tolerating watching my mom go through it. She came out OK from stage 3 rectal cancer, but is a bit disabled from Chemo.
I thought when I heard the 'C' word that I couldn't do it. Couldn't bear to watch her suffer or God forbid lose my Mom. I still don't know how I did it, or how I will if and when it dares rear its ugly head near anyone I love. But the fact is you do. Cling to your support system, have faith, and just keep going. Everyday is a new day, and no matter how hard, you'll look back and say...I did it. Somehow, I did it. Much love my friend. You bring me much joy and laughter on your show, and I'm sure your presence means the world to your Mama <3
~Michelle Bjerre ...admirer and longtime listener :)

Unknown said...
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Unknown said...

Thanks for sharing, Joelle. Lots going on here also. Stay strong say hello to your mom and dad for us.
God Bless, love and prayers. Cousins Dennis and Isabelle Nash.