Tuesday, July 14

Humble Pie Tastes Like Sh*t

To say I have been feeling a little off lately would be an understatement.

I am grumpy beyond explanation and I feel bad. Just grumpy, miserable, bitchy...just plain old rotten.

It doesn't happen often, but when it does, It is the one thing I completely hate about myself. I have been complaining to my close friends, and being more of a wrecker instead of a builder. I moan and complain, seek out things to be offended about...UGH, I am just so sick of my own damn self, but i can't seem to shake it.

Anyhow, as mortifying as it is to admit, I had a bit of a light bulb day today.

I decided, for some reason, to go grab lunch today...alone.

I went to a little place in Spruce Grove and I sat there by myself reading things on my phone when I over heard 3 women sitting at a table near mine.

The women were complaining about a woman who was not there, there were being really mean and saying some rather awful things rather loudly. They would flip back and forth in conversation from things this absent women was doing that was horribly awful, to how awful their lives were (at the time) to them being a tad over dramatic about some offence they had taken over something.

I was rolling my eyes while listening to them, full of my own judgment and arrogance..and I actually had the thought, "I wonder if they can hear themselves"  and almost immediately little voice inside my head said "That is how you sound lately! Be nice"

Now I don't know anything about these women, nor the one the were talking about. They absolutely could have completely valid points and if I had known the situations I would have agreed...But what they were saying made me FEEL bad.

I had to put my fork down and stop eating. The shame I felt in that moment was so over whelming I almost started to cry.

I can see the parallels, I feel justified in how i have been acting lately, but it must not be all that pleasant to be around me when I'm like that. And I want to be a builder, I want to fill buckets, not make people want to get the hell away from me because being around me when I'm like this is draining for them.

I don't normally write twice in a day, but this was so moving and made me completely stop in my self righteous, winy, negative Nancy tracks I had to write it so I don't forget it.

Then as punishment after my life lesson here, the salad I ordered was so gross I couldn't even eat half of it. Maybe it's because food taste horrible when its got humble pie dressing on it.


Thank you universe, point taken, lesson learned.

Today:

Sigh...I am grateful for having it pointed out to me how I need to correct what I am doing. And how it affects others

I am grateful for being reminded that Nice Matters.

I am grateful for this experience. I will do better.

J





1 comment:

Leah M said...

Worst. Pie. Ever.
I feel ya.
xo