Friday, December 12

Finding Mr. Perfect, No More Outtakes...

Ingrid Michaelson is playing in the back ground, I have a glass of red beside me and I just ate. I made salad rolls with peanut sauce. They have become my favourite thing to eat and I have just recently learned to make them myself now.

The laundry is drying and I am in comfortable pants, ready to tell you of my stories.

Dating has been interesting to say the least. Self discovery and trying to find time to go out has proven tricky. Not to mention trying to do it while parenting and keeping my children as far away from the process as possible became too much, so I quit.

But I didn't just quit, I kind of gave up. The last guy I went out with left me feeling so empty, so awful about myself, so angry and hostile regarding the likelihood of ever finding someone, even the mention of his name makes my blood pressure go through the roof.  After him telling me not only did I need to improve but how kind he was by doing things to improve me, I reached my actual and proverbial limit. I told him to shove it and I quit. I have not come this far to be told I am not good enough.  SCREW YOU BRIAN!!!

God bless my friends who listen to me and have talked me through all of this. Who are there when i cried and who knew from day one which ones were trash..but still let me come to that conclusion on my own, every time.

So while on a little break this summer the kids and I got to bolt out to BC to spend a week with my parents. The sun and water always heal my soul. My parents have changed so much since they moved out to BC. They have became much calmer. Their pace is still busy, but a different busy. Mostly because their busy now involves more service towards my grandparents. Time with them seems less rushed and we talk more.

One night when my uncle and his wife/partner were over for dinner we started chatting about my dating. I laughingly said I have given up, then rather convincingly (so I thought) said that I felt my time for companionship had passed. I explained how I have resolved myself to raise the kids alone and that maybe when I get older I will find someone. Because, lets be serious, it's rather unlikely.

When the dinner was over and the guests all left, mom was inside sorting something leaving my dad and I out on the deck finishing off the red wine. My dad is a quiet man, he doesn't get mad and he never really says much in regards to any opinions (especially strong ones). I don't remember him ever arguing flippantly about anything in all the years I have known him, he is pretty agreeable and doesn't get involved in others business.

So when he said to me that night, "That stuff you were saying earlier is bullshit" He had my attention.
"What?  What do you mean bullshit?"
He simply said, "it's bullshit. You don't quit, you go try again."

If you know my dad, you're a lucky person. For those of you who don't know him, that was the equivalent of your favorite speech given by the coach of your favorite sports movie right before the team goes out and wins the big game. My dad telling me he wouldn't accept my resignation made me feel so safe. Like maybe..just maybe..

When I got home from my trip to BC, I did some thinking. Maybe I could try again. Any date I go on couldn't be worse than the ones I had gone on so far. So what did I have to lose. I thought things over for a while.

Then one night after work and 2 glasses of red wine, I pulled up my big girl panties and made myself a Tinder profile.

Tinder is the newest dating sight. The idea is simple, you sign up through Facebook and it's very carnal. You see pictures of people in the age range you set and you either swipe right on the screen if you are interested and left if you are not. Once you swipe left, indicating you are not interested they will never pop up for you to see again. Its based completely on animal magnetism and looks.

If you are interested and swipe right, you can only contact them (and them you ) if you both swipe right. There must be a mutual interest before any messages can be sent.
Its nice because you are not bombarded with messages from people you are not interested in and wouldn't normally talk to.

If there is a match, you are both informed of it and then you can chat from there.
Simple right? Hahaha....not exactly.

It took me a while to get use to the idea of my judgment being so final. What if I swiped incorrectly? What if that person was nice and I couldn't tell from their picture? What if I liked what I saw and then after talking to them I wanted to poke my eyeballs out? It was hard to get use to, but after seeing a few guys I had gone on VERY BAD dates with in the past pop up, swiping left became much easier.

After hours that first night and the next morning,  I had a list of matches and had made small talk and pending coffee dates with three guys. Not a bad start!

The first guy was named Brian. He had no kids, just moved to Alberta and seemed nice. Nothing bad to say about him. He smelled nice enough and I enjoyed his conversation during coffee. I was not overly attracted but he seemed ok.

The second guy named Brian was shorter than me, but I wasn't going to let that bother me..he had a son and overall seemed nice. We never did have coffee, but he seemed ok.

Then there was the third guy, well the third guy was the one I was most looking forward to meeting. The third guy was called Jason. (yes, that is his real name, i'll no longer be needing the name Brian)

Jason has dark hair and a beard. He is really tall and had a fantastic smile. We chatted over text and we set up a time to meet for coffee. I was excited and nervous. I knew it would probably end terribly, so I wasn't holding out much hope. I had learned from MANY times before that our first meeting should be a quick one, just over coffee, that way it's easy to get out of if its not going well.

The time and date was set, which was exactly the day after we matched on Tinder.

The morning of our coffee date Jason texted me to say hello and to let me know he was looking forward to meeting for coffee. I was blushing and quite excited about the date too. What a nice guy!

He then texted me to say that he and some of his friends were going boating and wanted to invite me along.... excuse me?? That's when I knew he was a freak!

No you creep! I don't want to go in a boat with you and all your guy friends in the middle of the water so you can have your way with me and chop me up into pieces...seriously?? (I may have overreacted here..thank gawd I didn't actually text that back)

I made up some excuse and said no, that wouldn't work. Clearly this guy is up to no good.

I was seriously re-thinking my decision to met him at all, when he texted back and said "I guess that kind of sounds bad, sorry." See you for coffee at 12.

I arrived at the coffee shop first. It was nice and sunny out so I got my drink and sat outside on the patio chairs. There was another woman out there too, but still no Jason. I sat facing the parking lot, that way I could see when he arrived. There were a few guys who parked and walked up to the coffee shop and I remember thinking...ooh please don't be him!
3 years of online dating has taught me that just because there is a picture does NOT mean that is what they look like in real life.

Then a handsome man parked his car and walked over and that is when I learned a HUGE lesson about myself...when I like someone and find them attractive...I am awkward as SHIT!

Jason walked over he saw me right away, he smiled and waved. My chest was pounding and I couldn't even formulate a sentence. I could feel my face going red and I smiled back.
I think I said something about the weather and attempted to be funny. He walked in to the shop to get a drink..I went and sat at my table to gather my thoughts.

"PULL YOUR SHIT TOGETHER WOMAN"  is all I could think.

The other woman that was also sitting out on the patio was texting away giggling to herself. But I felt very self conscious, it felt like she was giggling at me and i felt she was watching my disastrous beginning.

Jason came back outside with his coffee and sat down. Then my brain went on the fritz again. I was so nervous and smitten. He has a great smile and beautiful eyes.  I was making jokes and he would laugh easily and sincerely, and again i noticed the woman  I would catch her laughing in time with my jokes and out of my peripheral I would see her stop texting when I would talk.

Jason was engaging and easy to talk to. He was sarcastic and we had a lot in common. He told me what he did for a living and when I told him what I did he confessed he had no idea about the radio station cause he listened to another station. (as a side note, I really liked that..there was no pressure)

Our time together went fast and soon I had to go to work. I told him I had a nice time and thanked him for meeting me. We stood up to leave and that's when it happened...

The woman who had been siting outside on the patio with us stood up too. She walked over to Jason and I and was digging in her purse. I was confused as to what was going on, but she looked up at me and said how sorry she was for interrupting our date.

She pulled out a handful of small papers and handed them to me and said, "I am a huge fan of yours. I listen to you and Rob all the time"
I was stunned and Jason just stood there staring at us. The woman was named Alison and handed me the papers, she went on to say "I own a BP's and would love to give you these for your children!" With a shaking outstretched arm she handed me a bunch of free pizza coupons. She went on to say how she had been texting her daughter, who was also a fan of mine, and that the daughter told her to ask for a picture with me. She confessed that she was eavesdropping on our conversation and laughing along. She recognized my voice and waited until we were done to come say hi.

I was completely and utterly stunned. (This is NOT a regular occurrence)

I mouthed to Jason how sorry I was, then handed him her phone so he could take a picture of us together. She was shaking and her chest was pounding (I know because when I put my arm around her to take the picture I could feel it.)

After the picture she apologized profusely for interrupting our date. I just awkwardly laughed, "Lady, you are making me look REALLY REALLY good here, no need to say sorry!"

She left and then Jason and I walked over to my car. As we walked over I instantly felt self-conscious and worried he might think I had arranged that whole thing. What if he thought I was trying to impress him..What if he didn't have a nice time..OR WORSE what if he enjoyed himself and wanted me to hug him good bye..ooh shit!! Awkward Joelle was freaking out, I am going to end up giving him a high five ... WHY AM I SO AWKWARD??!! I was pretty sure I was either going to barf or pee my pants right then. But to my delight when he came in for a hug, I didn't freak out, it didn't feel weird. It was actually kind of nice.
He smelled really nice too.

I got into my van and just smiled.....and so begins my next chapter.


I am grateful for FaceTime. I love chatting with my children and listening to their stories. It's such an amazing thing what we can do now a days.

I am grateful for pretty nail polish and good pillows.

I am grateful for the wisdom of my parents. I appreciate it more the older I get. I really am a very lucky girl.



Bonnie_c50 said...

Hi Joelle, I really enjoyed your blog today. You should think about writing a book. I can really relate to your dating stories. I was married 3 times and finally gave up. Good luck.

Leah M said...

I don't know how I missed this one! Thank you so much for sharing another great story! You make it so fun in the telling.
Sooooo glad you are happy happy! xo

Percy2626 said...

I laughed so much! Thanks for this.