Saturday, April 12

So.. I Killed Bambi

Last week while I was driving home after our night show I hit a deer.

I was driving in Edmonton on a major road way at 11pm when this little deer, no older than 2 years, ran in front of my van and despite my best efforts slamming on my brakes I smoked it square on. If I close my eyes I can still hear the thud its body made against my van.
I watched as it stumbled to the side of the road and collapsed. I was so upset I had no idea what to do. I could not get out of my van despite how badly I wanted to sit with it while it died. I wont get into too much detail but It was messy.

I have never hit anything with my car/van before, let alone kill anything. It is shockingly horrifying how poorly I handled the situation. Having been at one point in my life an EMT who was, by all accounts, a professional in bad situations I was completely appalled with my own self when it was all done. I see now, the further away I get from that time in my life being in EMS how I am not that woman anymore.

I use to enjoy emergency calls.  I loved stress and gore, "awesome accidents" (such a sick way of looking at things) and situations that I could prove how tough I was. Nothing bothered me and I was so good at my job because of it...That girl is long gone and I am so glad. She was a bitch and really didn't know herself very well. She was mechanical and sometimes heartless. She had very little compassion and was arrogant as hell. The woman who has replaced her has a way bigger heart and has no problem sharing her feelings. I like this person better.

After I killed Bambi I tried calling a few people to ask what I should do and who I needed to call and no one was answering. I can neither confirm nor deny a few hysterical messages might have been left on answering machines that night. I finally got through to a friend and cried my eyes out. All I kept thinking was how there was a mommy deer somewhere looking for her baby and I was personally responsible for breaking another mothers heart, even if it was a deer mommy. (Brutal I know, but that's what I was thinking) I was also upset thinking about my animal loving coworker and how she was going to feel hearing I killed an animal.

The police came to assess the damage of my van, give me an incident number and talk me into getting back into the van to drive home. Pretty sure they were shocked at what a mess this crazy woman was after hitting "just a deer". On my way home in between bursts of sobbing fits I remembered I had run out of coffee creamer and would need it in the morning, so I stopped off at a gas station...cause obviously after vehicular animal slaughter the rational thing to think about is coffee creamer. When I got out I saw what my van looked like...I had no idea there could be SO MUCH animal hair and remnants after a front end accident.  

I hardly slept for the next two nights and even started having horridly vivid dreams about my own children dying. was so awful.

The next morning I called my absolutely amazing insurance agent who was so kind and wonderful. She made me laugh (which for those who know me know if things are hard and you make me laugh..that fixes absolutely everything for me) and got everything I needed sorted within hours. I had a rental by that afternoon and my van was getting fixed the next day.

I pick up my van Monday and I hope to never go through this ever again. EVER!

How is there Hair on the bumper?? 

My wheels for this week. 


I am grateful for good friends who help in hard situations.

I am grateful for the police officers that night and the one the next day who helped me fill out my accident reports. (thanks for all being kind and unbelievably hot too!)

I am grateful that I was not injured and that the kids were not with me when this happened.



Sandra said...

I can empathize with your feelings of the horrific incident. I would go through the same thought processes and worries and feelings of guilt. I went through almost the same emotions when I hit a squirrel, so multiply that by the magnitude of the size of a deer, the size of the impact and the brutal injuries to the deer.....OMG! I would be a total and complete mess!

I can also relate on a different level. I have worked with children with disabilities for 20 yrs, I have nephews and bonus children, all of whom have had an injury (or a few) and immunizations and such over the years. Each instance I handle with calm and comforting the child with great ability (still to this day with my 31 yrs old bonus son who HATES needles).....but when I had my own son 10yrs ago, I was a blubbering basket case for the smallest of injuries! And immunizations? FORGET it! I had to have my husband go with my son to ease MY guilt of "purposefully" inflicting pain :/ I too am glad that my heart is "softer" and I am more likely to cry than be hardened to many situations.

Thank you for sharing and thank you for "listening" to my ramble :)

Like minded Mom,

NermalTheHun said...

Before I moved to Alberta the only non-insect animals I killed were a crow that bounced off my wing mirror and a bat that flew down the chimney to our basement in the middle of the night.
Well, I caught it in a fishing net and dropped it in the yard still alive but scared stiff, and it may have been killed by a neighbourhood cat after I went back inside. How's that for guilty conscience?
Since moving to Alberta I have killed two deer, injured one and spanked one in the bum with the grille of my pickup, and while operating the local tow truck have seen the results of countless other deer, elk and even horse strikes in this area. I am long since over the emotional reaction and into the "that's too bad" phase of life in Alberta. So now I concentrate on prevention advice.
Since deer apparently have poor eyesight, flashing your high beams actually seems to startle them into action better than honking your horn. If you see one run across the road, expect AT LEAST one more, so start braking. If you swerve to avoid one, expect it to swerve back to you in response. And finally, if you have no advance warning don't swerve. Just slow down as best as you can and hit it, because it's better than hitting another car, a pedestrian or injuring yourself hitting a stationary obstacle. My two bits worth.