Wednesday, October 30

Dear Anonymous,

Dear Anonymous,

Today has been a rough day for me. Today I woke up after only getting a few hours of sleep because I worked until midnight last night but had to get up early to get my 4 kids ready for school, alone.

Today I struggled with trying to figure out how many more hours I will have to work my second job to make enough money to pay the remaining amount of property taxes due at the end of the year, while still finding spare money for a child's birthday next month and Christmas which is right around the corner.

Today I bought myself flowers because I couldn't remember the last time I got flowers, and yes, it might seem like a waste of money, but for whatever stupid reason wanted some.

Today I spent most of the afternoon looking at my child's school project sitting on the kitchen table that was done by my ex husbands new girlfriend and feeling like I don't get enough time with my kids, worrying that they might like her better and feeling hugely inarticulate as a mother because I wasn't the one who helped him with it.

Today I got a phone call from my half brother who I have not spoken to in years telling me what a crap daughter I have been to my bio father and how I should contact him more and how much my bio father misses me..yet doesn't call me himself.

Today I fell in love with the most beautiful skirt and was getting it for free, but couldn't because I have put on weight and it didn't fit nicely so I had to pick the plain one instead.

Today I felt like I might be alone forever...

So at the end of my day anonymous, when I sat down at my computer to check my email and found this that you posted on my blog but then removed it so only I would see it in my inbox....


Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Family Visit And Horse Poop":

When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you Queen for a day
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what THAT one has to say!

You may fool the world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
Cause you've cheated the one in the glass!

Some people may think you're a wonderful chum
But the one in the glass says you're only a bum!




This was how you ended my day. Thank you. 

Thank you for making me cry until my hands were shaking. Thank you for making me feel lower than I have felt in months. Thank you for spreading you venom and making my, already empty emotional bucket, drain that much more. 

I hope you feel good. I hope your don't get a nose bleed from standing on that soap box of yours because I wouldn't want that for you. 

I am drained beyond words now. You can rest assured, you were successful. Thank you. 

I am going to bed now with a crying headache and a broken heart. 

I am exhausted and raw and need to sleep. 

My children thank you too, because that is what they need more than anything, a mother that feels bad about herself. Job well done. 

So I am off to bed now. To lick my wounds and forget there are people like you in this world. 

But tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow I will be better and you will still just be the person who sent that. 

J





My Ex's Girl Friend Is The BOMB!

Gabe has a school project due this week and things like this always stress me out to no end. I am in NO way creative. I have always hated arts crafts, even when I was younger, so when my kids have to make something important for class I would rather sand down my teeth then help. I know I should love it, other moms do, I am just not other moms. So with this social project I was more than happy to outsource it to my ex husband to do while the kids were at his house last week.

last night R came over to drop off the finished project for Gabe to add the "final touches" before handing it in on Friday. So when I got home last night from work and saw it...my socks were completely blown off!






Holy Crap!! Everyone should have an Ex's new girlfriend to do stuff like this with their kids!  ...Wait?..

She even made a pumpkin out of modeling clay for the thing! Geez!
My little boy is so excited and proud of his project and for that I am eternally grateful.

Today

I am grateful for the mindset of "it takes a village to raise a child"

I am grateful we all have different strengths.

I am grateful, so very grateful for the love my children get.

J


Not even a bleeding nose can interrupt a good game on the iPod.