Tuesday, October 1

Here I am 35.

Dear mom (AKA Julie)

I wonder what the day I was born was like for you, were you scared? Did you see me and think..ooh crap..now I have done it. What do I do with this thing? I wonder what dreams you had for me or if you thought about the woman I would become? How scary is it when you look at me and you see yourself? I wonder if you still see me as a little girl. Well, I wanted you to know a few things about me 35 years after that day I came into this world. I was asked this morning So..how does it feel to turn 35?

I don't know why we ask that silly question when someone turns another year older. "How does it feel to be 16?" or "how does does it feel to finally be out of your 20's?" I don't know how I feel turning 35, other then the obvious hungry because I just woke up. I could use a tea.

I have been giving it some thought though, and this is what I came up with so far.

At 35 I am happy. So UNBELIEVABLY happy. Everyday is not perfect, far from. Money always seems to be tight, I get awfully lonely sometimes. Things break down at the most inopportune times and the kids eat like it's their last meal EVERYDAY, but at 35 I understand that no one is the decider of my happiness but me. No one can make me happy. That is something only I can give myself. People can add to my happiness or they can take away from it. But I decide who is allowed to stay in my life and who I will ask to leave. I am no victim, happiness is what we give ourselves.


At 35 I know myself and finally have found personal style. Good Lord this picture is painful and awful to look at. WTH is up with that hair? I understand my body and I know what looks best on it. I feel pretty at 35.

At 35 I have a collection of  fantastic friends. People who I can go a few days without talking to because life gets busy, but when I need them it's like we haven't stopped chatting. We pick up right where we left off. I understand more what it means to be a good friend and how to best support people. That doesn't mean doing everything for them, but just hearing them when they are going through something. At 35 I no longer feel competitive towards other girls...that shit was done in the 20's.. at 35 I understand sisterhood and the value of building up other women. I see the power women posses and when we all work together what amazing things can be accomplished.

At 35 I have a fantastic career. This job is the best not just because it's fun but it's the best job because I feel the most authentic I have ever felt when I am doing it. I found a job where being me is enough, and that is more than I could ever ask for. I also work with some of the most amazing people.

At 35 I appreciate and enjoy the beautiful children I have more. I am not a great baby mom. I like babies, but that constant exhaustion and their lack of personality was hard for me. I am a much better mother to older children. I didn't love the diapers and crying stage. I do NOT miss nursing and carrying around that carseat and diaper bag, being pregnant or having barf on everything I own. Ugh... Now, now I LOVE being a mother. I have sensational children who are open minded and funny, kind and fair. Sarcastic and intelligent.
I feel safe knowing if today was my last on this earth I have made and taught 4 little people that will do a very good job in making the world a happier place for others and themselves.

At 35 I'm becoming more and more unapologetic with who I am. I have no problem with getting older. I always knew my 30's would be my best decade and I am half way through and it has not disappointed me one bit. I know who I am and what I want, but the true gift of 35 is finally believing what it is I deserve.

At 35 my back still hurts sometimes, and there are a few lines on the face that stick around after I laugh or smile. But I like them. My hands are starting to show wear and tear and my feet look like yours (my mother)
 more and more. I have to write almost everything down now or I'll forget it and I still don't enjoy filling out paperwork. But I know the difference between a want and a need and I have everything I need!

Life is grand! I am happy and today I am eating as much cake as I want! Cause it's my birthday and I don't care!

Happy Birthday Me!! It's been great so far, I can't wait to see what's next.


I am grateful for you mom...for not using birth control.
And thanks for springing for those braces too. I owe ya for that.



Anonymous said...

Best Blog yet :) Thanks for sharing the ugduc picture, we all have them...you're just braver than most! LOL

Unknown said...

Again, Happy Bday Joelle, hope its awesome. I hope I look as gorgeous as you do when I hit 35 in 3 yrs, 1 month, and 16 days >.>

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Joelle. What a wonderful post. If you think the 30's are the best; wait until the 40's and 50's. It just keeps getting better and better. Each year of experience allows one to become more comfortable in their own skin and to be truthful to themselves. Enjoy the ride and the journey!!!

Anonymous said...

Honest. Genuine. And well-written!