Wednesday, October 30

Dear Anonymous,

Dear Anonymous,

Today has been a rough day for me. Today I woke up after only getting a few hours of sleep because I worked until midnight last night but had to get up early to get my 4 kids ready for school, alone.

Today I struggled with trying to figure out how many more hours I will have to work my second job to make enough money to pay the remaining amount of property taxes due at the end of the year, while still finding spare money for a child's birthday next month and Christmas which is right around the corner.

Today I bought myself flowers because I couldn't remember the last time I got flowers, and yes, it might seem like a waste of money, but for whatever stupid reason wanted some.

Today I spent most of the afternoon looking at my child's school project sitting on the kitchen table that was done by my ex husbands new girlfriend and feeling like I don't get enough time with my kids, worrying that they might like her better and feeling hugely inarticulate as a mother because I wasn't the one who helped him with it.

Today I got a phone call from my half brother who I have not spoken to in years telling me what a crap daughter I have been to my bio father and how I should contact him more and how much my bio father misses me..yet doesn't call me himself.

Today I fell in love with the most beautiful skirt and was getting it for free, but couldn't because I have put on weight and it didn't fit nicely so I had to pick the plain one instead.

Today I felt like I might be alone forever...

So at the end of my day anonymous, when I sat down at my computer to check my email and found this that you posted on my blog but then removed it so only I would see it in my inbox....


Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Family Visit And Horse Poop":

When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you Queen for a day
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what THAT one has to say!

You may fool the world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
Cause you've cheated the one in the glass!

Some people may think you're a wonderful chum
But the one in the glass says you're only a bum!




This was how you ended my day. Thank you. 

Thank you for making me cry until my hands were shaking. Thank you for making me feel lower than I have felt in months. Thank you for spreading you venom and making my, already empty emotional bucket, drain that much more. 

I hope you feel good. I hope your don't get a nose bleed from standing on that soap box of yours because I wouldn't want that for you. 

I am drained beyond words now. You can rest assured, you were successful. Thank you. 

I am going to bed now with a crying headache and a broken heart. 

I am exhausted and raw and need to sleep. 

My children thank you too, because that is what they need more than anything, a mother that feels bad about herself. Job well done. 

So I am off to bed now. To lick my wounds and forget there are people like you in this world. 

But tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow I will be better and you will still just be the person who sent that. 

J





4 comments:

Anonymous said...

WOW!!!! I am so appalled and I cannot believe people can be that ignorant. Joelle, I am so sorry that someone posted that comment. I guess some people only feel good about themselves when they are putting others down (annonymously of course). Please allow me to to put a different (and more positive) spin on that post. I think you are a
Beautiful (inside and out)
Unique (there is no one else out there like you and you have the best sense of humour ever)
Mother (the love for your children shines through everything you say and do)

At the end of the day you know that you are a wonderful woman. Go back and read your blog from the beginning and see how much you have grown over the years. You have overcome obstacles that would have beaten down a lesser human being. Be proud of who you are, what you have accomplished and what you will continue to accomplish. You do not have to answer to anyone but yourself. My heart breaks at the cruelty of some people. I don't know how they can sleep at night or look in the mirror.

It is not you who should be crying. You are doing your best and that is all any of us can do.

Lance said...

I don't comment, in fact I read in silent.

You always sign off with: today I am grateful for... I can understand why you didn't, so I will do it for you.

Today I am grateful for:

A down to earth radio duo, that I love listening to.

Flowers and red wine - because no matter how bad it gets, the mind still needs to rest.

Friends - because they will kick the asses of blog commenter that require it.

Shoulders to lean on, because some people just get it.

Anonymous said...

You know you have a great blog when you start getting nasty comments. Seriously, have you noticed how people who have positive blogs and are upbeat are the ones where emotional vampires feel they need to post nasty comments? In fact, you know your blog is really a success when others create blogs with the sole purpose of putting down you and your blog (an example of a positive blog is The Pioneer Woman and there are a couple of blogs that exist solely for the purpose of putting her and her family down). What I don't understand is, no one forces anyone to read your blog or to listen to you on the radio so if Anonymous thinks you are somehow lacking, they can ignore you so why take the time to post a nasty comment. Shows more about what is lacking in them not you.

Just be your wonderful self Joelle. I love reading your blog (I wish you posted more but I understand that you lead a very busy life). One of the things I love is that you are so human. You try to live the best life you can and you try to improve you and your life as well. I really admire you. I don't necessarily agree with everything you say or do but that is what makes reading your blog or listening to you on the radio so great. You wouldn't necessarily agree with everything I say or do. Isn't that wonderful? If we were all the same this world would be so boring. Don't let the "meanies" get to you; their opinion doesn't matter. Be true to yourself.

When I am having a bad day or feeling low about myself I love reading Desiderata; it gives me hope and validates me. Wonderful words of wisdom that help to counteract negativity.

jenniferc said...

People are so rude and inconsiderate.

You choose to be open and honest in your blog and share your life with those of us who love reading your blog. You could choose not to share everything but I don't think that is you. I wish I could be that open and honest and pour my heart and soul out to others.

Social media makes it so easy for cowards/jerks to be mean and hurtful while they are sitting at home probably alone wishing they were you. It just comes down to JEALOUSY. They are jealous of you Joelle, a wonderful single mom who has a career and who is happy with her life.

Don't let this one worthless person get the best of you. Just think of the other readers who read your blog and post positive comments or the other readers who don't leave comments but check your blog everyday for posts. You make their day with your words, music, and just being you.