Monday, February 18

February Staycation

I have been on my staycation now for 4 days. I woke up late today and am still in my lulus. I am listening to the Philip Philips album that I downloaded this morning and I am trying to decide whether I should shower and get going for the day. This staycation has been rather uneventful and I am liking that..sort of.

The children are with Drew and R, who are currently in the process of moving (this week) to a darling house here is Stony.

Yes, my ex and his pregnant GF are moving to the small town I am in and I have to say I could not be happier. When they get settled we will be sharing the parenting of the children more equally.  The children ( and I ) are really excited and I even helped move some things for them. I was invited in Friday night to their new place after I dropped the children off and R gave me a tour of her new home. I love that I was, and felt, welcome there. I love that she talks to me and it does not feel awkward. I love that the children are excited for this new baby and that R allows my children to "call bedrooms" in her home. I love that she showed me the back yard and made a comment about how she likes that the playground is so close so the kids have a place to play. I love that we laugh. It has not been the smoothest path and it has come with its own ups and downs but damn does it feel good to be here. Peaceful and calm. Happy even.

I found myself looking at baby clothes this weekend, excited to have a little person to shop for. We know R is having a boy and the children want her to name it James Bond. When I told her she chuckled, she has an adorable smile and her belly moves when she laughs.

Life is good.

I have been alone a lot in the last 4 days, thinking about life and things. I do not enjoy time alone much. My emotional bucket is filled by being around my dear friends and people I care for, but every once in a while I find it mandatory to think things over and this staycation is one of those times. I have been out a few times with 25 in the last few weeks and it has been really nice. I find myself having to work hard at allowing new people in my life a clean slate. I have to constantly remind myself that everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt. A new guy deserves a fair shot and should not have to pay for the sins of the last. Not all men are liars or cheats, not all are hiding things and not all will use and hurt you. I am working on this and some days are easier then others. Good men still exist, and they are handsome too. This reminder could not have come at a better time. I was starting to dance on the edge of cynical and even bitter.

It has been a very long time since I was out with someone who makes me feel calm when I am around them. Someone who doesn't constantly check their phone to see if their ex or other women they are with (on the side but swear they aren't) are texting, someone who gives you their complete and total attention when you talk. It's amazing, I had forgotten what it's like to have a guy pay for anything, and be adamant about that.
I don't remember the last time I went out with someone who wanted to spend time with me as much as I wanted to spend with them, and not feel like I'm on the clock and need to rush. Then when the date is over, leave feeling secure and confident, not anxiety ridden and unsure.

Life is good.

And if all that wasn't good enough, my sweet brother and his amazing GF gave me the couch and chair from our Grandpa because they wanted something that was better suited for their place. I have loved this set for years, and now it's mine!



 This afternoon my thoughts and I are going to clean the van out, do laundry and bake muffins..and of course listen to music.

Today:

I am grateful for my new chair. It's so huge and comfortable. I love it.

I am grateful for how loved my children are.

I am grateful for feelings, intuition and trusting my gut.

J


1 comment:

Leah M said...

So so glad that Life is Good in your world!! XO