Thursday, December 13

I Could If You Wanted To

Yawn... Stretch...

I feel like I have had a month long sleep. I am learning when I don't feel like writing it is just better to walk away and say nothing then to allow junk to be posted. So, from now on, I am allowing myself to write when I need to and not to feel pressured when I don't.

I have been doing the online dating thing for a while (my second try at it) but took my profiles down about a month ago. When I put up the profiles, I went into it feeling strong and confident. I thought I would like chatting with people on a casual basis and I would tell myself that I won't care what happens. When in reality I care very much. I care when no one seems interested, I care when I write a letter and get a snotty response back because of my humor or the fact I have children. I care when I go on a coffee date and it's a disaster.  I  feel guilty that I wasted time that I could have spent with the kids. Then if I find someone who is interesting, trying to maneuver a dating life that meets both schedules and in the end, liking someone more then they like you and going your separate ways.

Sigh..what a gong show!

I have learned a lot about myself in this last year from all this online dating. I have learned that I really enjoy beer, I am too nice, and that when you have a busy work and family life, dating is not really an option.

One of my last dates was with a homosexual man (I had no idea before meeting him) who wanted to "see if he could" and after looking me up and down and shrugging his shoulders in a very blase manner said to me,"I think I could if you wanted to?"

Seriously, what girl WOULDN'T find an offer like that appealing?

Needless to say, I think the dating thing and I need a break from each other for a while. I need to reestablish my confidence and just spend time with the kids. Focus on work and fill my bucket for a while. I seem to keep finding the same men ( this statement is unbelievably more literal then figurative).

So, with the holidays just around the corner, I am going to slow down, enjoy my time off from work, drink the beer in my fridge and remind myself all the reasons I still like men and should not just become a lesbian.


Today:

I am grateful for soup.

I am grateful for warm clothes and jeans that fit well.

I am grateful for having people who can make me laugh on demand when I need it.

J