Tuesday, August 28

One Year

Today It has been one year since I went on the air as an actual host. I don't think I have ever really felt like a "host"...I don't even really know what that feels like now. But regardless it has been a year since the bumper that Chris would push said "The Chris Love show with Joelle".  I can't believe how fast a year has come and gone. And it all happened because of one simple day being brave and trying something new.

It has been 12 months since I really started looking at myself differently. Seeing potential and feeling like it was okay to dream...all because someone else saw potential in me that I did not even know was there.

It has been 365 days since I fist woke up and felt joy going to work.

It has been 52 weeks since I first called some of the greatest people in the world coworkers, and now friends.

This is possibly one of the biggest years of growth I have had in my entire life, second only to the year following a child. I have learned more about myself in the last 12 months then I have in a very long time. I feel alive again. My smile is back and I have forgotten what it was like to not have it. I love my life, as simple and humble as it is. I believe in myself, and I like learning more about who I really am and where I'm headed everyday.

I am no longer scared.

I have given away all the guilt I once lugged around like boulders in a backpack. I no longer feel the need to strive for someone else's ideal of  better that always felt unattainable, unrealistic, and unauthentic. I am just me, and I really like that. If I don't want to do something, I just don't do it, plain and simple. And likewise, when there is something I want to do, I just do it. 'Cause once you have turned your whole world upside down and inside out, little things don't feel scary anymore.

I understand responsibility now WAY more than I ever have in my whole life, and it doesn't scare me anymore either. I only have myself to blame for things now, and that is a very sobering place to be. Everyone should feel that.

365 days and I feel real. I am whole and healthy and so very very happy.

One year since I became me again. And I wish you could see how big my smile is right now. The tears streaming down my face are happy tears.

Thank you, from the deepest part of my soul, thank you for making that phone call and changing my entire world MH. For believing in me.

One year!

J

Today:
I am grateful, I am grateful, I am grateful!