Tuesday, March 27

A Question From A Reader.

I really enjoy all aspects of being interactive with people. I love getting texts at work (the ones 
that are not scathing and full of hate are my favorite.) I also enjoy the occasional email from my blog. I received this one the other day from a friend, I thought it would be a good one to share and get a lot of different opinions on from others. 

It read,

Joelle

I feel that we are a bit alike. In the past week (one being today) I've been straight forward with a couple of friends saying it how I think and now the one friend will not even talk to me! I know then she wasn't a real friend but got to tell you its a little hard on the self esteem! Have you ever been in that similar situation? If so, how did you handle it?

K


Okay, based on very little information about specifics I have broken what you wrote down into a few main areas, so Ill do my best with them...hope it helps. 


1) "I've been straight forward with people, saying it how it is and now that person wont talk to me."

This is such a tricky subject that one my dearest friend Natasha and I talk about more often then I think you would believe. Natasha and I have a very healthy relationship, we are brutally honest with each other..now. 
The truth is though it has taken almost 13 years to get here and we actually went a few stretches (of years) when we did not speak with each other  because one of us had offended the other. But now with age and maturity we truly value each others honesty. The thing is, I am not always able to be THAT level of honest with all my friends, because if I was, they would be really hurt. I have learned through trial and error that people with teach you how to treat them, and people will also let you know how honest they want you to be. For example, when Natasha and I were first friends, she always wanted to be told the actual truth about everything, where as I was someone who was comfortable with kind truths..."do I look okay in this Tasha?" What I needed and wanted to hear at the time was, yes it looks nice. Because at the time I had just had a baby, hated my body and dressed horribly. Tahsa, believing total honesty was best and because that was what SHE wanted form others, told me the truth, "no, it really does not look that great on your shape. 
End result, I was offended and thought she was a bitch. 
Now, I feel a strange and unexplained level of comfort and safety knowing I will get the total honesty from her, so she, to me, is a safe person. And she know likewise, she can ask or tell me anything. We are not afraid to tell each other what is on our minds. 
Now, does that mean I am not considerate of her feelings, of course I am. Many times I have began a sentence with ,"Remember I love you and mean this with love..." But I am always honest. 

The thing about what you said next I can completely relate to when you said, "she clearly was not a real friend"
Now remember I am basing this on NO information, so If I am way off track, just ignore this and move to the next paragraph. I am assuming, and only assuming that you told someone how it was and she got offended and now is not talking to you. This, in my humble opinion does not mean she was not a true friend. To me, what this means is your superpower of truth, is not also her super power. 
People are at different levels in everything. What you are really good at someone else might be complete garbage at, and visa versa. 
I have been really working hard this past year to remember that not everyone sees things the way I do, they don't understand things the way I do, and they have not experienced the same things I have so there is no way they could have the same understanding I do about things. Does that mean they are bad friends, no. If they are life suckers, mean or people you just feel awful being around, then that makes them not real friends, but that fact they might be at a different point in their journey then I am..means just that. And like I don't want someone to expect me to run faster then I can, I wont do that to someone else. 



Also, I have come to learn that most people are only comfortable with you being as happy as they are. If you seem in any way more happy, more successful, more driven then they are, there will be resentment. This is how I tell real friends from not. 
So, in your case (K) you have recently worked towards a huge personal goal, and have almost  achieved it, so there will be people who are uncomfortable with themselves because of your success. 


I am really a long winded person, so to answer your actual question, How do you handle it?
I stay true to me. If someone asks for my opinion I give it, I to take into consideration how the person asking might take it, but I am working very hard to always be honest. I feel like I have very little control in my life right now, there are a few things I do have control of, and for me, those things need to stay as true as they can. I want to be able to sleep well at night knowing I   am staying true to me and what I know to be true right now. 
I except that things might change, and I will then change with them. 




And Failing all that, I shop to make myself feel better. 


J


Today:


I am grateful for how I am feeling, physically. My body feels strong again. Last week it was the two year anniversary since my accident and I can't believe how different things are now. I struggled to believe I would ever recover this much. Sigh...Thank you PG. 


I am grateful for the nice weather. 


I am grateful for getting to sleep in.