Thursday, December 13

I Could If You Wanted To

Yawn... Stretch...

I feel like I have had a month long sleep. I am learning when I don't feel like writing it is just better to walk away and say nothing then to allow junk to be posted. So, from now on, I am allowing myself to write when I need to and not to feel pressured when I don't.

I have been doing the online dating thing for a while (my second try at it) but took my profiles down about a month ago. When I put up the profiles, I went into it feeling strong and confident. I thought I would like chatting with people on a casual basis and I would tell myself that I won't care what happens. When in reality I care very much. I care when no one seems interested, I care when I write a letter and get a snotty response back because of my humor or the fact I have children. I care when I go on a coffee date and it's a disaster.  I  feel guilty that I wasted time that I could have spent with the kids. Then if I find someone who is interesting, trying to maneuver a dating life that meets both schedules and in the end, liking someone more then they like you and going your separate ways.

Sigh..what a gong show!

I have learned a lot about myself in this last year from all this online dating. I have learned that I really enjoy beer, I am too nice, and that when you have a busy work and family life, dating is not really an option.

One of my last dates was with a homosexual man (I had no idea before meeting him) who wanted to "see if he could" and after looking me up and down and shrugging his shoulders in a very blase manner said to me,"I think I could if you wanted to?"

Seriously, what girl WOULDN'T find an offer like that appealing?

Needless to say, I think the dating thing and I need a break from each other for a while. I need to reestablish my confidence and just spend time with the kids. Focus on work and fill my bucket for a while. I seem to keep finding the same men ( this statement is unbelievably more literal then figurative).

So, with the holidays just around the corner, I am going to slow down, enjoy my time off from work, drink the beer in my fridge and remind myself all the reasons I still like men and should not just become a lesbian.


I am grateful for soup.

I am grateful for warm clothes and jeans that fit well.

I am grateful for having people who can make me laugh on demand when I need it.



Tanya said...

((hugs)) I found online dating to be a nightmare to.

Ken said...

I've been missing your post, but understand you needing some time for yourself. It's just that much more of a treat when you pop back up.

I'm not sure how I would deal with the rude people if I was in your shoes. I'm certain the right fellow will show up for you, and most likely, it will be when you least expect it.

It's going to happen, you're good people. :)

J said...

Thanks guys.
Ken, I'll believe it when I see it. But thank you;)

Natasha said...

You SHOULD just become a lesbian. For several reasons.

Leah M said...

Oh Chicken!! I feel your pain!! Online dating is crazy! It does take alot of confidence and is such a rollercoaster of emotion with the online thing. Ugh. Good for you for taking a break and sorting your time appropriately!
Its always good to hear from you via your blog, so write when you feel moved to, we, your adoring public will be thrilled to hear from you whenever!
All the Best!! XO Leah

Sam and/or Monika said...

I admire your courage to get out there and date. My wife and I have had discussions at length about what it would be like to get out there and date after so many years of coupledom.

I am no marriage counselor, but I am of the opinion that men often times think they can pick up right where they left off (that's why so many old-ass guys are trying to hit on the young ones = creepy). Women on the other hand are more in tune to the stage of life they are in, but often undersell themselves or think that because they have children or an imperfect body that they must lower their standards. This rift leads to confusion, awkward dates, uncomfortable experiences and feelings of depression...or worse, lying to oneself about what they want in a relationship and ending up right where they started.

I can see how hard it must be. Of course I have known you for decades and have the all the confidence in the world that you will be able to get through this with flying colors. Give yourself the credit you deserve.

Burgers said...

I have most of the same problems with online dating. It really is a gong show. Best of luck to you when you do decide to venture back into it - there are some good guys out there, really! =)

Leah M said...

Ooooo, I like that. I think you are right on the money there, interesting observations of single people; for a married person... ;)