Friday, December 21

A Very Different Christmas

Three days until Christmas and I still don't have everything done. Once upon a time I use to be one of those "over prepared" women who has everything finished by the second week of December. Gifts were purchased (or hand made), house was decorated beautifully and the baking was never ending. Teacher gifts were carefully selected and family pictures (that attempted to convey some make believe happy family)  accompanied the Christmas cards (that were hand written) to everyone in our circle of friends and expended family.

But I was unhappy. So very, very unhappy.

This year is quite a bit different then previous ones. This year I am exhausted and am completely uninterested in setting one foot into a busy mall. There is no family picture this year and you can forget about Christmas cards pfft!  I can't even be bothered to do e-cards. Teachers this year will have to be content with a verbal Merry Christmas, and the baking in this house consists of a box of Pot of Gold chocolates I picked up from Walmart and a plate of cookies dropped off by an old friend.

But this year I am a very happy woman. This year I feel alive and like myself, my true self.

I actually had a lengthy conversation with my ex husband the other night. We don't "chat" often, unless it's about things directly related to the children, so this conversation was not considered normal. It was nice to have a conversation, he shared with me how he is doing and how happy he is. He told me about his currant relationship and how fantastic it is going. I genuinely felt happy for him.We both marveled and agreed at what a difference a few years makes. We also laughed at how much this divorce needed to happen years before it actually did, but better late then never.

This Christmas is very different then the Christmas's from past years. This year the tree is fake and really small. There is nothing fancy planned for dinner and, truth be told, the children will be lucky if I wrap any presents with at least garbage bags this year(I am only joking). They have a mom that they have never really had before, they have a happy mommy.

It is going to be a great Christmas.


I am grateful for finally seeing my needs as important and seeing value in myself.

I am grateful for children who don't seem to miss all the hullabaloo that is absent this year.

I am grateful for warm boots, jackets and mittens.


1 comment:

Kirstan C. Sonnenberg said...

God bless, Joelle!

You deserve every bit of happiness, peace and self-worth you've discovered this year!