Friday, June 29

Day 1 Of Summer Vacation.

*Disclaimer* For those of you who read my blog as a "pick me up" perhaps you might not want to read for a few weeks. For the next little while writing for me will be for the sole purpose of trying to not lose my mind. More than likely it will not be uplifting or pleasant. If you continue on don't say I did not warn you.

This morning when I woke up the realization Maclean was not here anymore hit almost instantly. The peaceful and calm feelings that normally accompany the early morning rise on a day off has been replaced with instant anxiety and the dread of knowing I am going to have to talk myself through every step of this day. I am already exhausted thinking about the arduous task at hand and I have been up for exactly 4 minutes.  I find the way the human heart works to be so fascinating, emotions and feelings are powerful things.

The kids are really excited to have time off and thankfully their energy and happiness rubs off a little... let me rephrase, I need their energy and happiness to rub off. I am so glad they are going to spend the next few weeks with their dad, they will have so much fun.

I have decided I am going to make a list of things I need to do/finish this month. A "TO DO" list is exactly what I need. Projects to focus on and things to keep my mind busy should help. I hope it helps.

I will work on my list today.


I am grateful for being taken out for lunch yesterday, sorry I was not better company.

I am grateful for Sam who got me new sunglasses. I really like them. Ooh and thanks for letting me come over after work today and wash my clothes:)

I am grateful for the music Jennifer keeps sending me every day to pick me up. You have great taste and I really appreciate it.


Thursday, June 28

Good Bye My Dear Maclean

I have just returned form dropping off Maclean at the airport. It seems only fitting that on such a sad day I would go out to the car to find it had been broken into and my things stolen. When we loaded her luggage into the trunk I just wanted to cry. I wanted to cry because of my stolen sunglasses, because Maclean was no longer going to be here, because of everything that has happened this week with Ryan and I breaking up, because of my broken washing machine and shower but funny enough I couldn't. I absolutely could not cry one single tear. I am completely and totally cried out! I have nothing left in me to expel. I am confident I will not even be peeing for a few days THAT is how cried/watered out I am. So all I could do was laugh.

This was going to be a sobbing nose running composure lacking goodbye letter to Maclean but because I am completely incapable of any more emotion my dear Maclean your send off letter will be as follows...

My Dearest Maclean,




Okay maybe that is not the only thing I have to say to you. I'll try again..

Dear Maclean,

I did not grow up with a sister, and to be honest I was a little nervous about what living with another woman would be like. I have friends, but I have never lived with them for extended periods of time. I was worried you might see aspects of my life that bothered you or that we might not agree with things and there might be conflict, I was worried two months would feel like eternity and that you would hate it here.

I just dropped you off at the airport that I swear I just picked you up from 10 minutes earlier. The time went by so fast. Having you here has been amazing, it is what I always imagined and hoped having a sister would be like. Someone to talk with and laugh with. Support when things are difficult but not pushy or judgmental. I have loved having you here. You were such a gift sent from the universe to answer my deepest concerns, my children could not have had better care. The love and attention you gave them will never be forgotten. You may never know the peace of mind you gave me every day, it is the greatest thing in the world to know your children are safe and loved, it makes going to work easier and by having you here I was able to concentrate and do a good job.

I had so much fun while you were here. I know others did too. And I know they would want to say good bye as well if they could. You are so funny and such a stunning and confident woman I sometimes forgot how much younger you are. I have and will cherish this time I have gotten to spend with you, party with you, laugh and cry with you and all the time we did Jillian Michaels together. There is an unspeakable bond between women who not only care for the same children but who have learned to mow the lawn, cook, and do push ups, rock-stars, mountain climbers and jump lunges together. I have loved our late night talks and rants. Thank you for sharing music with me, cooking with me and loving my babies with me.Thank you for your strength while I went through some personal hard times. You have a very special place in my heart.

I am going to miss you terribly. I already feel so alone and the house feels so empty not having you here. I love you and the children love you. Thank you for helping me when I needed it so much. You are wonderful, beautiful and someone I consider a true friend. 

All my love,



I am grateful for waking up today and not having a headache.

I am grateful for my last night with Maclean. Dinner together our talks and laughing it was the perect way to say goodbye.

I am grateful for the sunny day and that today is the kids last day of school!

Tuesday, June 26

A Letter To Myself

I want to have a letter from myself to open right now. I want to be able to have something tangible that will reassure me that things will be okay in the foreseeable future. I want to read, in my own words, that in 6 months I am sleeping through the night. I want to be comforted that I am no longer heartbroken from breaking up with Ryan again last night and that I have stopped crying (man I would really like that).  I would give anything to read my own words telling me money is not in such short supply, but if it is, that I have at least figured out how to pay off my major bills without having to resort to selling any organs. I would like to read that no more major appliances have broken down, and that everyone in my direct circle of peers and friends is healthy and well. I could handle reading that my car has escaped any major incidents, and I would like to read how prepared I am for Christmas, and how wonderful things are, and that it is the mildest winter we have had in years. And if it's not asking too much, I would like to read that my skinny jeans are super comfortable and are going to look fantastic for the new years eve party I am going to. 

I can dream, can't I?


I am grateful for all my friends who love me and who will send me the name of a song that is upbeat and cheerful so I have something to listen to so I can stop making myself crazy listening to sad "my heart is broken" songs! (BIG hint hint!)

I am grateful for the guys I work with, who have inadvertently, and possibly unwillingly, become the male role fillers in my life right now. Thanks for making me laugh. 

I am grateful the children are almost done school! 

I am grateful for Sam who is going to let me use her washing machine (when I ask her) because mine has broken AGAIN!!! (ooh Sam, I have a question for you...)

I am grateful for a new toothbrush. 'Cause hell, if I can't find and keep love, at least I have clean teeth! 


Monday, June 25

Asparagus Pee

You know that smell? That smell that your pee has after you eat asparagus. I don't understand how it happens so fast after you eat it but it does, and it is really gross. We have all gone into a washroom somewhere and instantly upon entering identified the last occupants meal...or at least part of it, "Ooh they had the asparagus wrapped in prosciutto."
The reason I bring it up, is because for the last few days my bathroom has wreaked of that smell. The only thing is, I know no one has eaten asparagus because I have not made any. It is now to the point where drastic action needs to be taken because I am gagging every time I walk in. I can hold my breath for the length of a pee but during my showers, I am verging on passing out!

This afternoon I went in with the soul purpose of figuring out where the hell this rancid smell is coming from, and I think the culprit is the sink. I filled it with really hot water and poured all the bleach I had into it and then let it drain slowly. I will report back and let you now if I was successful or not.

For Music Monday I have a few songs I just love! They are perfect summer tunes and I listen to them on the drive into work every day!

Matchbox Twenty-She's So Mean

Gavin Degraw-Sweeter

Neon Trees -Everybody Talks


I am grateful for new underwear.

I am grateful for freshly dyed hair.

I am I do not live with an asparagus addict.


Tuesday, June 19

Butt Cream and Toothpaste.

This week has been a rough one (and yes I know it's only Tuesday).  Rob and I are again covering the morning show for Crash and Mars. The other times I've covered, I don't think I found it this hard, but for whatever reason, I am really struggling with 3 am this time.
Monday was rough, I got up early, got ready and made it to the station with no issues. Then, after about the first hour, a wash of nausea came over me and I began throwing up. By 8 am Rob had called my boss and I was heading home. When I got home, my innards were rebelling in every way. It was a long day!

Tuesdays show was much better, it was also the day I heard my very first commercial play on air!!! I read a small script for 'Campers Village.' I was so shocked and delighted I actually squealed. Ty, the producer, sent it to me, and when I figure out how to put it on here I'll let you listen to it! After work on Tuesday I had to do some running around before I headed home and that's when I sent a text to Ryan. It was a cute little text that I can neither confirm or deny had some rather sexy, and funny personal joking connotations to it...and in my very tired and not paying-too-much-attention-because-I was-up-at-3am-mind ...I sent it to my boss and not Ry.


 When I asked Nora to go up and get her tooth brush and bring it down so I could help her brush her teeth before bed, she was such a big girl and did it all by herself. I laid her down on the carpet in the living room and began brushing her teeth. I was chatting with her as I brushed and noticed a strange, yet familiar odour when she spoke and her breath wafted up to my nose. I stopped brushing her teeth and smelled her toothbrush and rolled my eyes. I went upstairs to the washroom and confirmed my suspicions ..

I guess I should not be surprised that a tiny four year old would make this mistake.

That is the best I can do for now, I will return to regular blogs after the week of morning shows is over.

I am grateful for the darling girl who heard about my lulu clothes that were ruined and sent me a new shirt. I wore it today and I love it. Thank you ever so much you sweet woman!!!

I am grateful for sleep.

I am grateful for always having something to giggle at. My kids keep me grounded and sane. I love children and value their little personalities!

I am grateful for this beautiful life. I am happy and healthy. I love my people and friends and cherish the relationships I am developing with all of them. I love this time I have been given to work and learn.

Life is beautiful.


Monday, June 18

Music Monday Maclean Style

Happy Monday everyone!
Maclean here. Pleased to officially meet you.
This past weekend was lovely.  First of all, the Stony (no "e") Plain weather man was waaay off and instead of the predicted downpours, we had nothing but sunshine and butterflies!
Friday was probably the highlight of my time here thus far. It wasn't anything planned or fancy, just a good ol' walk. Joelle and I took the kids all over the place, we only got bitten a few times by the crow-sized mosquitoes, had good conversations, and I got to run around with the kids.
Saturday we cleaned the house from top to bottom and had Ryan and his girls over. Ryan made delicious homemade pizza that we all feasted on, the kids drank oodles of pop, and us adults drank our own drinks! Ergo, everyone was happy. Even uncle Hanson came over! Having all of the kids happy feels like the biggest accomplishment.  I don't know if all readers will understand or appreciate this, because prior to being here I certainly wouldn't have. However, after being with kids 24/7 for nearly two months, when the kids are happy, EVERYTHING somehow seems great and that nothing can go wrong!
As for Sunday Funday we kicked off the day to a lovely breakfast, lounged about, and watched Madagascar 3 (which Joelle was somehow able to snore through, despite its insane amount of sensory overload!)

It's hard to believe my countdown to go back to B.C. is almost in the single digits, and as excited as I am to go home, it's weekends like these (and I assure you, there have been a lot of them) that will make leaving Joelle and her amazing, loving, and hilarious family so god damn difficult.

For music Monday, I have included some of my personal fav's and a new one that Ryan introduced to me this weekend! I hope you enjoy and that they keep your toes a tappin'

Patrick Watson


Toro Y Moi

The Walkmen

This week,

I am grateful for being able to experience part of an Albertan thunderstorm...even though I only heard the thunder.

I am grateful for Ryan buying new red wines for us to try and his taste in music! 

I am grateful for Nora giving me out of the blue hugs, Seth holding my hand, and Ethan and Gabe telling me they love me back when they leave for school!

I am grateful all of the kids were interested in Harry Potter when I read them the first chapter!

I am grateful for Joelle. Her and I have only ever been able to connect briefly at family reunions and although those times were filled with heart to hearts, these past two months make me feel as though I now have a third sister. Not to mention that Joelle is an outstanding and exemplary woman and mother. I apologize Joelle, because that measly statement truly doesn't do you justice.

I hope you all have a fantastic week!

Tuesday, June 12

Blizzards, Banana Hammocks & Beaver Tails: A Weekend In Banff

Maclean only has 2 more weekends until she goes back to Vancouver (I am bawling inside already). I have become so used to having her here that I am not too sure how I will manage without her. Because the clock is ticking down, I wanted to fill the last few weekends she is here with fun stuff and loads of sightseeing. So Ryan and I thought it would be fun to take her to Banff, arguably the prettiest place in Alberta. Plans were made and then we just waited.
The second I was finished the show Friday night I ran outside to the parking lot where Ryan and Maclean were waiting. A quick gear change into Lois and we all piled in and spun off. South bound and all smiles, ready to have some time off.

Now I considered telling you all about the trip, but I have done this trip a hundred times and I always say the same old things.So this trip I thought it might be interesting for you to hear about it from Maclean, Ryan and I... it was "our" trip after all.

J-Were you excited to get going Maclean? Ry, were you excited?  I could hardly keep my butt in my chair the last hour of work!
R-I don't get excited.
J-What? About nothing, ever?
R-Yeah, and I'm sticking to that.
M-Ooh hey guys, I'm here too. I damn near ran from the house screaming as soon as I woke up and let your kids fend for themselves.
J-Ooh, you are clearly understanding how mothers feel! Recommitting to that Birth control, eh love?

M- "Joelle, get your camera out of my vicinity, please. No matter how much you plead, I will just stare introspectively out the window."
J-Maclean, you look so beautiful in this picture. I was thinking you looked exactly like a princess staring out, longing for some stinky cowboy to sweep you away. Was that what you were thinking?
R-I think that is a testament to my excellent driving.
J-What is?
R-Well, the zen like state that Maclean is in. I should be a pilot.
J-Really, Captain Ryan?
R-It's Admiral.
M-...No turbulence here.
M- I think there is a thunder storm coming guys.
J-You are clearly a master of the obvious Maclean.
R-That was a gooder!
M-That was Bullshit, it was all hype. You and your  "prairie thunderstorms" Pft...
R-We should have just stayed there.
J-Instead of going to Banff?
R-Again, my excellent driving skills got us through the thunderstorms.
J-How hard is it to drive in a straight line, seriously? I would not be bragging you almost killed us in Leduc...remember?

J-Man you're cute!
R-Okay, fine...I don't know how to follow that, now I'm all bashful.
I'm just shoulder checking...geesh!
M-I just want to hear Eminem....

R-What is that blob on the bottom? Is that a wild hermaphrodite we caught on camera?
J- You're a lunatic! It's a grain thing!
M-Still want to hear Eminem!!!

J-So we drove to Strathmore Friday night and stayed at my parents house. Saturday morning, we got up, and  after a rather complex attempt to gather breakfast, we headed to Banff in a freak snowstorm. 

M-Nora should be here, she loves winter!
J-WTH?? No Kids!! Maclean, are you on bathsalts??
R-Ooh Bathsalts are popular these days. And BTW this is a no kid trip, you don't even talk about kids!
M- What kids?

J-We made it!! I white knuckled it all the way but we arrived safe! First stop was the gondola.
R-First stop should have been the Grizzly house!
M-God, there are hot guys here!
J- The grizzly house is for swingers there something you have not told me?
R- I am totally a swinger if the elderly are involved.
M-I'll swing with anyone in Banff.

M-I am super uncomfortable here!
J-I'm gonna throw up , I HATE HEIGHTS!!!
R-I am the whitest MOFO alive! I need a tan! I have never seen an albino with black eyebrows before.

J-I was listening to music and trying not to  vomit, while these two were all "look down to our death" "isn't it so pretty out?"
R-I can neither confirm nor deny that there were two naked lumberjacks fighting over a bowl of frosted flakes.
M-How the hell do I follow that?

J-We made it to the top alive!!!!
R-That's how high were are...
J-How high?
R-Robert Downy JR high.
J-That's a good amount of high.

J- When we finished paying over $100 to get to the top of this mountain, we get out to go show Maclean the majestic Rockies and this is what we see.
M-I was asked where I was visiting from.
J-Ooh and what did you say?
M-I said I was visiting from Alberta.
J-Honey, we are still in Alberta....
R-Poor Maclean, you innocent child. If your cheeks are red and rosy right now, it was all worth it!
M-Guys, I said that was not making it on the blog!
J- I made no such promises!

Here is where we Ooh and Aww about the scenery and where Maclean takes a picture of old people from Texas and makes a rather witty remark about falling to their death, crazy enough they did not laugh. Not too sure why...

So to make due with the expensive trip to see nothing, Maclean at least ate fresh snow.
M-This is the best F***ing snow I've ever had.
R-MMM snow
J-Really? that's it? MMMM?
R-Well we had to eat, this is how hungry we were.
J-You didn't eat snow, what are you saying?
M-No seriously guys, you have got to try this snow!!

J-Ryan throwing a snowball.
M-Don't throw your back out Ry!
R-It's not my back I need to worry about, its my shoulder. And I do throw like a girl, but that's ok, girls are cool.
J-I don't throw like that?
R-No, you don't but that's because I have a wicked side arm, and that was the follow through to my side arm. That thing was in orbit!
J-You two look like knobs!
R-When we got down we were able to survey the victor of the naked lumberjack fight.
And it was the guy with the red beard, he won.
M-I love red heads!

J-I can't look to cheer on the winner, cause I'm trying to keep my cool.

R-That is Joelle laughing at her farts.
M-That smell was none too pleasant in that small gondola.
J-SCREW YOU BOTH, I did not fart!
R-It was a tight space to have have someone do something so horrific.
R-I am sensing guilt!
R-Liquor time! That's all I wanted was booze at noon.
J-It was a beautiful pub and had great food.
M-Bottoms up Bitchez! 

M-Sweet man hands Maclean.
J-You do not have man hands!
R-Do you have man hands?
M-I do there.
R-They don't look like man hands.
R-That fire wasn't like Taylor Lautner Hot. More like Zach Galifianakis hot.
M-Woah! Zack is totally hot.
R-I just meant it's not really hot.


R-I am laughing because I just left your phone number in the men's washroom. Expect lots of calls from heavy breathing tourists.
J-You're an ass, I was going to say how handsome you looked here.
M-Check out the guy by the bar...

J-Stunning my dear!
R-Here she is actually checking out the guy at the bar.
M-I was trying to be C.C.C.
J-It worked, you look it.
M-Really, I didn't get his number.
R-That's cause the fourth C is Chickenshit!

M-Beaver Bush is better because there is alliteration.
R-Well, that thing carried more grease then Elvis's underpants.
J-You two have issues!

Last on the list for the day was the hot springs. Thankfully, it was snowing so the cooler temps made it bearable.

J-Fabio in red speedos!
R-I distinctly remember they were not red, they were burgundy.
M-Burgundy Banana hammock.
J- I could see everything!!
R-I saw things...
J- What things Ry?
R-It was, it was...a mushroom cloud. I think I could see his pee hole to be honest with you.
J-Why were you looking so close?
R- I couldn't stop, I couldn't look away. It was right there. It was like someone just crashed a truck full of blowup dolls, I just had to look.
M-At least he was confident.
J- What about the creepy old guy taking pictures?
R-Well...I will more than likely end up having an appendage sold on a black market website.
M-I would like to think he was just taking pictures of family.
J- Yeah, family and boobs.
When the weekend was over and on Sunday night we played a board game and relaxed .
M-Sunday Funday...queen of Catan, Bitchez!
R-Is that right? There will be a rematch soon and we may not be friends after.
M- You will cry just as hard as you did the first time.
R-No, I won't because the knife will be in her back this time!

And so ends our weekend of fun.

R-It was nice, and that is all I will say. I am sorry I almost killed us in Leduc.
J-I had a wonderful time you guys. Thank you!
M-Best weekend so far!


R-I am grateful for insoles. 
J-Any reason? 
R-I am not giving you the reason, I just am!

M-A lot. Out of the blue hugs from kids. 
I am grateful for dancing kids. 
I am grateful for the nice boy at the liquor store, and a cool cousin with a fairly decent boyfriend.

R-Hahahah...that is a good one, why can't I come up with a good one like that. All I came up with was insoles. 

M- Well, I am hard to live up to. 

M-Best start to summer 2012

R-I am okay, should I add more stuff?
J-It's just what you are grateful for. 
R-I'm an ingrate...I am grateful for being such an ingrate. 

J- I am grateful for happiness. 
I am grateful for love in my life. 
I am grateful for this time to get to know Maclean more. 
I am grateful for my little car that did so good on this drive. 
I am grateful:) 


Monday, June 11

Music Monday And No Crying

This weekend Maclean, Ryan and I went to Banff. On Saturday, when we drove back, we went to the new movie theater in Windermere. You know the one with really fancy leather recliners. The one where you can order food from the servers who come RIGHT UP TO YOUR CHAIR! It was wonderful and as far as we are concerned, the perfect yuppie elitist way to watch any movie! We saw Prometheus. Ryan has been pretty excited for the last few days in anticipation, we even watched Alien and Aliens last week so I would better understand the back story to the movie. It was fantastic and I am proud to report I did not cry, scream, or leave because of fear. Ryan's arm might have claw marks, but other than that, I would say a huge success.

As with all good road trips there was a tone of fantastic music played. For Music Monday I wanted to play two of my favorites for our trip. (I'll tell you all about our road trip to Banff tomorrow).

For now the music I fell in love with.

Ho Hey The Lumineers

Tim Armstrong Into Action


I am grateful we had such a wonderful weekend.

I am grateful for having a job I love.

I am grateful how music makes any trip that much better.


Wednesday, June 6

To Further My Certainty

On the way home yesterday I decided to fill up. I didn't want to. According to my gas indicator I still had another 120 km I could go before I HAD to fill up. I wanted to drive it until it was dead empty to see just how good it was on gas, but because I heard on the radio that gas was going up from $1.13 to $1.29 I thought it might be wise.
Here is the damage...

I could not even believe it!!! I easily spent three times this in a week on the truck. BEST DECISION EVER!!!!

Before I forget, I would like to say sorry to the white mini van I honked at yesterday going home from work. The light was green and they were not going. I was confused and annoyed, so I tapped my horn and still they did not I beeped again. Then I saw the ambulance that the driver was waiting for go through the lights....I was a douchbag and I am sorry.


I am grateful for the rain. It makes everything green, lush and pretty.

I am grateful for how my jeans are fitting.

I am grateful for good shampoo.


Monday, June 4

Feeling Better About My Decision

All week I found myself obsessively staring at the gas-tank indicator thingy. Every time I went anywhere, I would stare to see how much gas I had used. Maybe I felt like the more I stared at it, the more I could will it to not go down as much. Like trying to make water boil faster by staring at it.

I have been on the brink of tears a few times this week doing regular things like: go to the drive through bank machine, drive through at Starbucks, listening to music on my way to work, driving past semi trucks on the highway. The reason there was almost tears is because when I did these things in the truck it was easy. Getting money from the ATM was a breeze. Just pull up and lean out. In the car, I am almost sitting on the ground and have to hang halfway out to reach the buttons (true story). Same thing with Starbucks. When driving past semis I can now see the undersides of those huge road monsters, and  last, when driving to work and getting pumped listening to ridiculously loud music pounding from a BOSE stereo, now feels like I am listening with my mom in the car....sigh

But then Friday came. I got in to drive to work and looked at the gas thing and saw this:

It was Friday and it was only at half!!! On my goodness, my below average stereo system sounded like front row to the concert that drive to work!!

It was a great weekend!

Today for Music Monday I asked Maclean for some picks. She has great taste in music so this is all her!

And the last is my favorite!!!

Have a great week!!!


I am grateful for older children who can run to the store for you when you forget laundry soap!

I am grateful for a clean and organized bedroom!

I am grateful for summer and warm nights!

I am grateful for good neighbors who help parent.

I am grateful for almost having ALL THE LAUNDRY DONE!!!!!

I am grateful for the gas tank in this little car.

I am grateful for a healthy body

I am grateful for feeling loved.

I am grateful for dear friends.

I am grateful for feeling like I can chose for myself.

I am grateful for healthy children.


Friday, June 1


Yesterday morning it took me well over an hour to find something to wear. I am in the horrible "middle" stage. I have lost enough weight now that most of the clothes I have been wearing are too big, but not quite small enough yet for my other things. It was hard work and I was getting frustrated.
Then I thought, what the hell,I will  give my post London Italy jeans a try.... a small battle ensued, but I was victorious!!

Now I am only about 15 pounds away from my pre London Italy jeans, and there will be huge celebrations when those bad boys fit again!!!


I am grateful for the weekend, and some down time with Maclean.

I am grateful for getting to meet more of Ryan's family.

I am grateful for work and how comfortable I am there.