Wednesday, May 30

I Wish I Was As Strong As I Pretend To Be

I woke up early this morning, actually I have been waking up early for weeks now. I just can't seem to sleep in past 4 am. I try, I really want to, it just doesn't happen. I think the problem is I have too much on my mind so the second I wake my mind starts going crazy making it impossible to fall back asleep. This morning I decided to blog instead of lay there.
Yesterday was a crazy day I received a phone call out of the blue from one of the real estate agents I had asked to come over months ago to do an appraisal on the house. At the time I was thinking about selling, but because of everything that was going on I decided against it. I had never committed to an agent and did not list the house, so it was s huge shock when one called to say, "I have a possible buyer for your house".

I got the call on my way to work, she said they really need a place and are wondering if they can come see it tonight after you get home from work?

So, I handled it the way I have been handling everything else that is overwhelming and stressful this week.
 I cried! I went into work a little earlier and sat in my bosses office and bawled! I wish I was as strong as I pretend to be.

Rob told me during our show last night that the three most stressful things a person can do is 1-sell a house 2-buy a car and 3-get divorced. I told him it's my overachieving nature that made me decided to do all three things at the same time. I am just competitive that way... ugh!

After work I hustled home to an already clean house thanks to Maclean, spoke to the children about what everyone thought about the idea of moving and waited for the people to arrive.

I am not too sure what they thought yet, I guess I will find out soon. Fingers crossed!

Today:

I am grateful for Maclean. I love her. She is the youngest of my cousins and all our lives we lived so far apart we have never really gotten to know each other. We would spend a week together in the summer but because I was married or having children we never seemed to really connect much. But let me tell you, she has been such a support and strength to me this last month, I do not have any idea how I would have survived this all without her. She is beautiful and funny, intelligent and tender. She never complains and never gets mad. She is perceptive and attentive and has become such a dear friend. I am so thankful for her love. I can't believe I only have one more month with her. I will miss her terribly!

I am grateful for the group of people I work with. I go to work frazzled and beaten from life, and they unknowingly fill my emotional bucket. They laugh and joke, smile and tease. They tell me they like my hair or my shoes and help when they can. Work is my shelter and I don't know what I would do without it right now.

I am grateful for loving and caring friends.

I am grateful for life and learning. It is sometimes painful and hard but in the morning there is the smell of lilacs and the sound of birds to make it just a little bit easier to keep going.

J

Ooh and I have a date tonight after work! :)



2 comments:

Princess Leah said...

Oh Joelle! The title of your post totally spoke to me today, since I have been feeling the same way!! And responding the same way, in tears! Kelly Clarkson sang it, What Doesn't Kill Ya Makes You Stronger, and although lately, we just want to roll over and let it take you, we just keep plodding along, and looking for all the good, great blessings in our lives. Thank you so much for sharing your life as you do, I sure appreciate it! Hope your date goes well tonight! XO Leah
PS Maybe I'm just emotional from the London jetlag...I also thought of you alot when I was over there!

Devs said...

I just wanted to tell you how much I admire your strength Joelle! Yes you are one strong woman!! I have been through what you are going through, but I only have one child (sometimes her behaviour makes it seem like I have 4!!). I too find it hard to sleep as my mind is so full of so much stuff...lawyers, court, money etc. and I cry a lot too. It is a good release! You encourage me to keep going, to pull up my big girl panties and move along. You are an inspiration Joelle! One day it will get easier, and you will look back on the really hard days and be thankful that they are over and thankful for the lessons you learned and the strength that you gained.

Thank you for sharing your story, thank you for being an inspiration!

Devon