Monday, April 30

Wash Of A Day

Today I felt unable to do everything I wanted to and needed to very well.

I did not feel like I was a very good mom, unable to concentrate and give the children the time they wanted from me, because I was trying to concentrate on my job so I could do a better job for tomorrows show, but was unable to do that because I felt like a complete failure as a Doula and a friend, having not taught what was needed....

Today was a total wash and I just came home and cried. I cried because I am still not ready for my cousin who arrives in the morning, I was not ready for childrens dinner, or lunches, or laundry or ANYTHING!!!

So I am off to bed, to rest and try again tomorrow. Cause doing all this and trying to do it well is going to take practice and hard work.
So after more tears tonight, I shall do my best to do better.

Big breath..

J

Today

I am grateful for sleep and a new day to try again.

I am grateful for Tylenol and Kleenex.


Sunday, April 29

Today I Start Doing The Drive Show

Today is the first day I start covering the drive show for Rachael Day. Rob and I have been asked to cover for her maternity leave, which is until mid to the end August. I am looking forward to the opportunity and feeling so happy for the amazing hours and family time this will give me now. Home every night and weekends with the children.
 I have also been thinking a lot about how this all came about. I found myself getting a little teary eyed this weekend when I would think about it. I went from a stay at home mom who was struggling with self worth and weight problems in a marriage that was tanking, and now, I still struggle with the weight (always will) but now I get to work for my favorite radio station doing what I love and enjoy immensely! Today is an exciting day.

Big Breath! It's one of those days that I will remember everything about until I am old and grey.

Just like everything else I have done that is scary and exhilarating and sensational all at once, I will breath deeply, pull up my big girl panties and go at it with sarcasm and a smile. Willing to try and willing to fail but knowing I will grow regardless.

With tears in my eyes I can't wait. Tears of gratitude for this chance that has been given me, tears of joy and humble awareness that things like this don't happen to everyone so I want to do my best, to make my children proud. Tears of fear in case this is the life lesson where I fail horribly at hurting not only me but my coworker too...but I will still try.

Tears of hesitant elation in case I found what I was meant to do and how thankful I am for that. Deeply completely and entirely grateful. Today is a big day for me.


For music Monday I am playing a few of my personal favorites that I will be playing as I drive to work. I play them loud with the sunroof down and singing my face off.

enjoy!







Today:

I am grateful for everything I was able to get done this weekend.

I am grateful for having a clear head and ability to feel things that way I should without interference.

I am grateful for new friends.

J



Thursday, April 26

Old Joelle Is A Cleaning Freak

Today the old Joelle returned for a brief visit. The old Joelle was a cleaning freak but since my climbing accident I have not been able to clean like I used to. But today I was motivated and to make it even more tempting to clean, it was raining. I used to love cleaning when in was cold out.

I want to get everything ready for my cousin who is coming Tuesday to help me with the kids. I wanted my house to be so clean it sang again.

I was cleaning like a super freak when I got to Nora's room. I was ruthless, nothing was safe. I cleaning everything! I even washed the floors by hand.

Nothing was left, until I saw this...



 I might have left this little drawing Nora did on her wall. It was cute.

J

Today:

I am grateful for how wonderful a clean house smells!

I am grateful for feeling accomplished.

I am grateful for this months Jamie Oliver magazine.


Wednesday, April 25

Screaming From The Bathroom

I was downstairs working on the computer, it was a rather normal afternoon at home with Nora. She went upstairs to use the restroom as she often does. (nothing too exciting so far in this post, I know)
When out of nowhere I hear a blood curdling scream and her calling MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY!

I bolted out of my chair and took the set of 7 stairs to the bathroom in two leaps to find a blonde little girl completely losing her marbles on the toilet pointing to the far wall saying GET IT! GET IT!

This is what I found


 I could not help but giggle to myself. Well done sweetie you handled that like a champ! Of course I had to go back down stairs and get my camera to take a picture then take care of it. BTW she would not get off the toilet until it was gone!

J


Today:

I am grateful for a wonderful boss who is easy to talk to and is helpful.

I am grateful for excellent childcare.

I am grateful for working out, and how good it feels.



Tuesday, April 24

Introducing Ryan with Social Distortion & Lindi Ortega

I will start this post with an introduction of sorts, I would rather have a dinner party and have all of my closest friends and family meet him personally, but due to obvious geographical limitations that can't happen. Until personal handshakes can happen this will have to suffice.

I would like everyone to meet Ryan.

Say hello everyone.

I have been hanging out with Ryan for a couple months now, around Christmas to be more exact, and  I think it's fair to say he is pretty cool, and I am okay with him meeting my people. He is unbelievably funny, which is why I dig him so much. The reason for the very brief intro is because Ryan took me to a concert last week, and it will make a little more sense if you know who the guy in the pictures is.

Ryan's favorite band is called Social Distortion. It's a punk band who, until meeting Ryan, I had never heard of. Ryan got a pair of tickets to see them, and he hadn't stopped talking about them for weeks in anticipation. I on the other hand have been nothing but nervous with tiny shots of anxiety about the whole thing, listening to Ryan tell me what I should expect. Mosh pits, standing room only, getting pushed around, fairly open drug use. Not to mention the fact that I didn't really like the sound of the actual music. Twangy country and the lead singer's voice grates on me a little.

Needless to say, I was apprehensive. A few days before we left for the concert Ryan called to say, "guess who is opening for Social Distortion?  Lindi Ortega!"

OMH!! Lindi Ortega is a singer I found from one of the free song giveaways from Starbucks months ago. My excitement for the concert grew a little. At least there would be a few songs I enjoyed.

When we arrived, the first thing I noticed was the mix of people at the concert. There was all ages from preteen children to older couples that must have been pushing 60. I was amazed at the diverse crowd. It reminded me of the crowd from the U2 concert last summer. The other thing I noticed was the fashion at the concert. Lots were there like me, in just a t-shirt and jeans with running shoes on. Not what I would normally wear for a night out, but Ryan explained we would be standing, and possibly getting trampled, so I wanted to wear something comfortable and battle worthy.

But not everyone dressed as practical, quite a few of the women were dressed like 50's pin-up girls and the guys had pompadours. I loved looking at everyone.

When Lindi Ortega started playing, I was out in the entrance visiting with a friend named Michelle from high school.  Such a small world. When I heard her song "Little Lie", I quickly said good bye and ran to the stage where Ry was. Lindi was fantastic! Her stage was simple, but she rocked it. It was fascinating hearing such a big voice come from such a little girl.


After her set she told us to come say hi to her out of the hall. I wanted to say hi, I really wanted to but I became so sickeningly nervous. Ryan told me to just say hi and that you like her music. I tried to play it cool, but when my turn came up I was a total idiot. She was sweet listening to me funble over my attempt to tell her how much I enjoy her music...blah! It was awful. But I did get a picture with her...


After the other opening act played, it was finally time for Social Distortion. And the place instantly became packed! People were shoulder to shoulder, It was very similar to riding the underground in London during rush hour. It even smelled the same. When the band started playing is when my natural interest in people watching began. First I was fascinated with watching Ryan and how intensely he watched his favorite band.
So much in fact he did not even notice me taking pictures of him



The next thing I was absolutely amazed at was the mosh pit. I have never been to a concert where there was one. I do think Micheal Buble has considered having one the next time he is in Edmonton, but nothing is set yet. It was astounding watching people that seemed relatively non violent begin, at the stroke of one chord on the guitar begin smashing into each other and seem to enjoy it. I became instantly tense, worried that someone would start slamming into me with the force of an ox.


I have never felt as short as I did that night, but that was the next amazing phenomena the mosh pit had an imaginary line around it. The people just somehow knew that you do not cross this unmarked spot.  I was 3 people deep from the pit and got to watch it right up close. For such a violent act (throwing your body with complete disregard into a group of others) everyone seemed rather happy. No one got into a fight, and I even saw, on more than one occasion people (strangers)  high fiving each other then hugging.
Only a few times did I get shoved, it was mostly from people wanting to leave the mosh pit. The sheer force of the shoves scared me and knocked me off balance but never was any of it aggressive.

The last part of the concert was the part I think I enjoyed the most. I found myself no longer watching the lead singer Mike Ness at all, nor was I really even facing the stage, the last part of the concert was me watching peoples faces. I was unfamiliar with the music, and could not make out all of the words to every song, but I loved watching others sing along. I loved watching other throw their fists up in excitement and affirmation that they too understood the pain/heartbrake/anger/joy that the line of the song was about. I find when I connect with music, often it is because I feel the artist worded a feeling I too have felt, or explained a situation better then I could have myself. I loved watching a room full of people connecting in personal ways to the stories told to music.


The night ended with sore feet, ringing ears (less for me 'cause I wore ear plugs) and big smiles. It was a fun time. I loved the intimate setting of this concert and the feel of it all. And if it is not too creepy, Mike Ness is kind hot for an older guy.

I was a good night.

Today:
I am grateful for having a package of kleenex in my truck. On the drive back from the concert my nose, completely out of nowhere started bleeding and got everywhere. It was awesome and not completely embarrassing at all (eye roll and facepalm). When Ryan walked me up to the door of my parents house (where I was staying) my dad was waiting up for me. Imagine his surprise when this guy I had just gone out with dropped me off looking like he beat the crap out of me. It was glorious!

I am grateful for my cousin who is coming next week to stay with me for a few months to help me out with child care!!!

I am grateful for sunny weather.

J


Monday, April 23

Messages To Move Karie

I have some pretty amazing friends. I could write for days about these strong men and women I am so fortunate to have in my life. Inspiring and wonderful, pleasant and kind. I am a very lucky girl.

One of my friends who I have known since childhood is about to accomplish a huge thing she has been working so hard at. Karie has been training for months and months to run a half marathon. In a few days she will accomplish this amazing goal and I could not be more proud and happy for her. It is always amazing for me to watch other people achieve their dreams.

Well, I received a letter from Karie the other day asking me to write her an inspiring message that she could read right before or even during the run to keep her motivated.Of course I will! Then  I thought, I can do even better than that. I would love it if everyone who reads this post today could write something to Karie to help keep her spirits up and feet moving during this life changing event she is about to participate in. Please leave a short message in the comments section and I will send them off to her.

Thank you so much for helping my dear friend out. She is an amazing woman and is doing this for a fantastic cause.

J

Today:

I am grateful  for strong women in my life.

I am grateful for cold water and how good it tastes.

I am grateful for spring and hearing the birds in the morning when I wake up.


Sunday, April 22

Music Monday and Benadryl

What a fantastic week for music! I went to a few concerts, I found new music while I was out and about using my Shazam app (I love my iPhone). Anthony the music guy from Sony brought me new CD's to listen to as well. It was a glorious week for music.
When nothing else is going right, music is my never failing constant.

I hope you enjoy this weeks picks, It has been a while since I was as excited to share new stuff as I am today..and remember some music is just new to me.











Today:

I am grateful to live in a time where there is medicine for my children when they get really sick. Poor Nora had a horrible allergic reaction to something, it got kind of scary in Safeway, I am grateful for Benadryl!


I am grateful for family dinners where I can visit with the children.

I am grateful for 20 degree weather.

J

Wednesday, April 18

Happy Birthday My Dear Friend(s)

This morning is a special one. In a tiny little apartment in Victoria British Columbia my dear friend Natasha will wake up and be one year older. I would give my nicest Anthropologie sweater to be with her and spend the day reminding her of all the reasons she is adored and loved, but because my money tree behind my house died and the restraints of my job, the best I will be able to do this year is the gift I mailed her last week and this humble blog post.

So, here goes N,

Happy Birthday Sunshine! I wrote a little something to show you exactly how I feel on your special day.

Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

Your love is like a river
Peaceful and deep
Your soul is like a secret
That I never could keep
When I look into your eyes
I know that it's true
God must have spent...
A little more time
On you...
(A little more time, yes he did baby)
You down with OPP (Yeah you know me)
Who's down with OPP (Every last homie)
You down with OPP (Yeah you know me)
Who's down with OPP (All the homies)

That pretty much sums it up!


Happy Birthday Natasha! I hope you feel special today and know that I love you.


Today is also my friend Dean's Birthday, Happy Birthday Wanker! Hope you get diarrhea.


Today:


I am grateful for days off.


I am grateful for my parents.


I am grateful for loving friends who love me, but get annoyed when I space blog posts funny, especially when its about them;)


J


Tuesday, April 17

I Have A New Man In My Life.

This week I acquired a new man. He is perfect for me. He is small and reliable. He works very hard and does what I ask of him at a ridiculous speed! He is clean, organized and has a great package..added bonus, he even vibrates....

Introducing...Wendell!!!


So far, this just might be the best relationship I have ever had!

Today:
I am grateful for my new phone that works so well, carries all my music and is dependable.

I am grateful for my children having full bellies and smiles on their faces.

I am grateful for knowing who I am, and being really happy with that!

Monday, April 16

The Female Equivalent Of The NHL Trade

A major player in my life has moved. I was a tad stressed with the whole thing, but now all is okay again. Mock all you want, but every woman out there will understand, when the hair stylist you have been going to FOR YEARS moves it's a stomach turning, heart racing ,stressful event. Much like the NHL trade. I watched broadcasters on TV act simular to how I did when I heard the news Sam was no longer at the same salon. I could not eat or sleep, it felt like forever before I heard from her. Most of the time the person you have been seeing to do your hair just moves and you never hear from them again, luckily for me this was not the case!!

Sam is still in my life!!!!





She moved to a new Salon called Fusion. Sam is a ridiculously talented woman and I have come to love her over the years, trusting her with the most important part of my look. Scary how I have more faith in her than a few friends, some doctors I have had or even past clergy.


The entire staff at Fusion are wonderful! Charming warm and witty these woman always make me feel special and welcome. And I am never disappointed with my hair. The other day I went to the Salon for a fun photo shoot with Sam, Jackie (the owner) and the other girls. We had so much fun...


Sam doing my hair.
I even got my make up done for the shoot.


Being fed by the owner is NOT a regular occurrence , but it made for a fun picture. 

My picture of the picture on a computer screen, so a little washed out.
It was a fun afternoon. 


The massage Mani Pedi chairs are like Heaven!! 


It's such a wonderful place. Sigh..all is right in the world again!

J

Today

I am grateful for work.

I am grateful for nice real estate agents who are helpful.

I am grateful for the sunshine.


Sunday, April 15

I Love Concerts!

This week is rather exciting for me. There are a few concerts that are playing and a few I am going to get to see....like I said, it should be good!









I also have a few cool things to tell you about, but I need to sleep. I'll write all day tomorrow.

Today:

I am grateful for my children.

J

Tuesday, April 10

Of Course There Is Asparagus Laying There.

I got home from work and walked up to the door with my hands full of groceries and this is what was laying on the steps.


Cause why wouldn't there be a thing of asparagus on my steps? I went into the house with a confused look on my face and asked why was it there?

And the answer I got is the reason everyone should have children.

 Me, "Guys, why is there asparagus outside?"
The kids, (looking at me just as confused as I am looking at them) 'cause we needed a nose for our snow man!"
 The best part was they were shocked that I would ask such a stupid question when clearly the answer was so obvious!


I put away the food I had picked up with a smile on my face.

Today:

I am grateful for small accomplishments.

I am grateful for old music that is new again.

I am grateful for unexpected support!

J

Sunday, April 8

MM With shattered glass

This was a fantastic Easter weekend, I hope everyone had a great one. My mom came up and spent the weekend with the kids and I. It is always great having my mom around. Everything went fantastic...until this



The iPad took a spill and did not fair very well. Sam, says things come in three's, so after the dentist, truck and this I should be good for a while.
Ooh ya, MY PHONE BROKE TOO, lol, what does fours mean Sam?

This week I was introduced to a few new things, and as always I will share!











I am doing the morning show today for Crash and Mars...if you're bored from 5 am till 10am.

Today:

I am grateful for music. Always, it is my deepest love.

I am grateful for a good night sleep before a morning show that I am so nervous for I could barf. And for friends for dinner invites and support.

I am grateful for feeling believed in and loved by my mommy.

J

Thursday, April 5

A Day Of Happy.

Today I feel happy. Plain and simple.
This morning we had a snow storm and it was horrible outside.
I got a bill from the dentist's office saying I owed $300 for my kids' teeth that was not covered by insurance (and I still have one more kid to be seen by her). But I still feel happy.

The only thing I really did today was clean, re-clean and do laundry, but I feel happy.

The truck bill I got yesterday was 7x more then my dentist bill, and yet...still happy.

Today was a really great day.

Today:

I am grateful I was able to spend the day at home playing with the kids.  And colouring eggs. (Snow day)

I am grateful I feel safe in my fixed up fancy-schmancy truck.

I am grateful for having everything I needed to bake cookies today in the snow storm.

I am grateful because of the snow storm everyone canceled their dentist appointments, which meant almost all my kids got in today.

I am grateful for how the day started with 15 cm of snow, and ended in 6 degree weather with almost all of the snow gone.

I am grateful for long hot showers where I can sing to my hearts content and not feel rushed while I shave my legs.

I am grateful I can paint my toe nails any colour want.

I am grateful for feeling happy and safe.

I am grateful for friends to send funny things to, and to tell my secrets to.

I am grateful for friends who are happy for me.

I am grateful for a washing machine that works really well.

I am grateful for all the treats Sam brought back from London for me...London is calling me again, I can hear her!

I am grateful for new water bottle that makes my water easier to drink and tote around.

Today, I am really grateful!

J

Tuesday, April 3

Spring Cleaning Treasure Hunt

With the weather being as nice as it has lately the snow is almost gone on my front lawn, and with the melting of winters blanket, all the things we lost in the fall make another appearance.

This year with the great melt we discovered:
2 pairs of underwear (I don't want to know why or how)
3 pairs of socks
1 ball cap
1 bike seat
1 extension cord (WTH?)
3 pair of ski gloves (one of the pairs was MY good pair)
1 t-shirt
1 life jacket (honestly, I have no idea what that was about)
1 hockey stick
1 fly swatter


The crazy thing is, I cleaned the yard BEFORE the snow came so I am pretty sure these things made it into the snow, after it came. Which makes me wonder even more about what goes on when I am not around.
At least now our yard looks presentable, and less like the trash family everyone else whispers about.

J

Today:

I am grateful for H&R block for doing my taxes today. Barb was so sweet and really helpful. I really like tax time! I almost have enough to buy my NEW PHONE!!! Yahooo!!

I am grateful for the kids notice when the house needs to be cleaned and that they get embarrassed when their rooms are not tidy! I am raising clean people like me!!!

I am grateful for my truck getting its much needed tune up, and for Mel for letting me use her car while mine is getting fixed!

Monday, April 2

Spring Break With Hypodermic Needle

This spring break with the kids was a little different then years past, the weather was actually spring-ish. We had a wonderful day out, aside from our visit to the doctors office because the kids are sick again.
First we went to the museum, its one of my favorite places to go and I love watching the children's faces when they see new things. I find it fascinating asking them questions and hearing their opinions about things.



The new display was about the beauty moths have.  For an animal that is predominantly night creatures their beauty is breathtaking.  

Look at the antennae!! 

There was an aboriginal art section too, this was my favorite! 

This might be one of the creepiest pictures I have ever seen! 

I am overjoyed this rack is in a museum and not stuffed on a wall...sorry dad. 



The kids checking out the bug section. 

I told Nora to kiss the tarantulas. 



More bugs.

Nora was a great during her doctors appointment.

On our way to Duchess Bakery we were walking down  the street, the sun was shining  and the kids were laughing  then right on the sidewalk there was a hypodermic needle. Ooh down town Edmonton. 

At the end of our crazy day we washed the truck with THREE different colours of soap. It might have been the kids favorite thing, 


One of the things I also find astounding is how much I enjoy spending time with them. (Let me clarify) I have always loved spending time with my children, so much in fact I have done nothing but for the last 10 years. I have been a stay at home mom giving care and attention 24/7 for a decade.
But I never had anything that was really mine, I would try hobbies and crafts (I really love being a Doula but its rather infrequent) and they were good once in a while but there were times when I thought I was losing my marbles feeling lost and empty.
Now that I work, and have time commitments and things that have to get done I feel even more organized than I did before. Also, along with that, I feel like the time I spend with my children is so valuable that I am uninterested in wasting it doing things I don't feel would be directly beneficial. I feel like because I don't see them as much as I once did, I need to make the time we do spend together better. And It's great. Before I would have so much time all I would do is talk on the phone and be on FB truthfully I was bored.
 Interesting how being MORE busy, I feel I have MORE quality time with my children. I truly believe quality over quantity.

Its was a nice spring break.

Today:

I am grateful for my truck getting looked at, it has needed a tun up for a while and I am glad it held out till now and it did not blow up.

I am grateful for how good water tastes and how it makes me feel when I drink lots.

I am grateful my mom is going to come up and visit this weekend for Easter!

J

Sunday, April 1

Hi Ho Hi Ho

It's off to Physio I need to go...yet again. Ugh!

This weekend my back was mangled again, let me tell you the little pain killers are sadly missed these last few days. The only good thing that will come from it (aside from a functioning back) is getting to hang with PG again.

For this MM I have a few new things I really liked, these kind of songs are my favorite, the ones that make me stop what I am doing and instantly need to shazam!








Then these two were requested from work and I wanted to play them here.





Today:

I am grateful for good food and good conversation.

I am grateful for getting to meet new people.

I am grateful I was not fired when I was late for work this weekend.

J