Tuesday, February 28

My Life Is Boring and needs... Trash TV?

Tonight at work a caller/texter phoned in to tell me my life is boring and I need entertainment. She told me she felt bad for me cause I have all those kids and that what would help my life out would be to watch a TV show called Steve Wilkos (it's a Jerry Springer type of show)  I responded to it by saying I am too busy and feel my time is worth more than to waste it watching TV that makes me feel gross.

Also this week I had a girl ask me (very loudly and openly in subway while I was getting my salad) "I heard you and Drew are getting a divorce, gasping she continues I had no idea?" I was stunned cause Nora was standing with me and this girl clearly could care less about the volume of her questioning and that other patrons could hear her, not to mention my little girl.

I was called a Dyke by someone on the shout box on our works web page (another form of interacting with listeners) and asked if I was gay a few times from texters.  Another text I received last night at work told me to shut up about being a single parent and was told "no one gives a rats ass." There were a few other things I was called and told during my  week..but we will stick to these for tonight.

Today my blog post is about having thick skin.

Interacting with an ex is not easy. Getting to solely field all the questions from nosy people who I hardly know regarding my personal life is not easy. This job is not always the easiest thing for me. Openly and publicly allowing strangers to judge me NOT EASY ...ugh. I am by nature a fairly open person and have no trouble at all sharing with people rather personal things. What I am quickly learning is that not everyone you share those things with will be kind or gentle with you or the information. I am learning it is mandatory to develop thicker skin, or try to anyways.
It amazes me sometimes how sensitive I become over some of these things. I have been talking to a friend of mine about this exact thing and he says I need to shake it off, to not allow things like this to bother me and I need to learn to not let it ruin my day.

So here it is, and I am being so very serious. HOW DO YOU NOT LET THINGS LIKE THIS BOTHER YOU???

Tell me how you do it, I am listening taking detailed notes and will try anything and everything. How do I go about not letting things like this bother me?  How do I stop being sensitive?  I am not looking to be coddled  I seriously want answers..okay my friends, help me out here!  Give me the tools I need, cause this raw skin better toughen up quick or its gonna be ugly!

J


Today:

I am grateful for the cooking video I watched the other that taught me how to make mushroom sauce. Today I made it and it was amazing!!!

I am grateful for having so much help with my children so I can go to work.

I am grateful for good sleeps and new days.

16 comments:

ken said...

WOW. Maybe it's because of TV shows like the one the lady mentioned, that people feel it's OK to be so rude. I don't really know who you are,i text to you a bit and i met you briefly one time. Thing is i try to listen, plus i read what you write and i find who you are interesting. I think i can answer some of those questions people ask from reading what you write here, but would never dream of asking those question point blank. Certainly you don't sound boring. I was thinking, in fact, how you find the time to shoehorn all the things you seem to do into a day.
I think that developing a thick skin might be required for dealing with people like you do NOW. (see what i did there) I don't think i could do it. Hopefully, there is way more positive texts and comments that happen so as to show you that people do care about what you are doing. You lay who you are out there for all of us to see. I think that makes for damn good radio, not to mention a host that is actually a real person. Guess that's why i listen? You're doing a good job. Don't let people change who you are.

ken said...

now that i read that i realize that i haven't really given you any tools. Sorry. I wish i had something more usefull for you.

Shari said...

Joelle, I just want to thank you for showing me that dreams come true... You were my mentor in high school, and I still think of those times with a smile. You are an amazing person, and have showed me that if I can dream it, I can live it. Being real is who you are, and that is why I admire you so much. :) Have a great day Joelle.
Shari

Anonymous said...

Seek first to understand, THEN to be understood.

The lady with the TV show suggestion clearly has a lower IQ and therefore finds excitement in this form.
The girl in Subway might see you as outgoing, outspoken,expressive,confident and open... maybe she assumed you were OPEN to her question (regardless if it's her business).
The dyke question... is it because you have short hair? So every girl with short hair is lesbian? Clearly no, but hey, maybe she likes you?

It is natural to ponder people's criticism's, I too recall a moment when a lady looked at me and scornfully shook he her as she crossed the road... I almost did a u-turn to drive to her to explain why I inched up to the cross walk (it was to make room for a car to turn).

So if it appears some people are being critical of your choices, well they are. But that is what makes the world go round. Does every listener love every song you play? NO. Just know that there is SOMEONE that appreciates EVERY choice you make, it may not be the same person for every choice, but someone likes what you are doing. When the time comes that NO ONE likes what you are doing, then that's the time to STOP and reflect.
None of these words may help you, but remember that it's YOUR life, and you can choose how to react. Be true to you!

Anonymous said...

I think it comes down to credibility and awareness - if people are 100% aware of the situation I may consider them credible (may if their values are close to mine), and only if they are considered credible would I consider taking any notice of their comments.

Divorce is not easy, but there is always dignity in silence - as you have demonstrated.

For me part of the thick skin is about growth from every situation, good or bad. Were here to learn, not have perfect lives, so if we can lean and grown from the things we face we are doing good!
N

Anonymous said...

Just keep smiling. It's amazing how smiling, even when you may not feel like smiling, can lift your spirits. It's also okay to tell people that their comments are inappropriate and that it's none of their business.
Raising kids isn't easy, raising 4 kids is a full time job in itself. So with all the "hats" you wear in a day you don't have the time to waste on other peoples issues. Big picture....shake it off and save your energy for the things that matter and for the people around you that make you feel good.

Sharon said...

I think that some people like to air their dirty laundry and when they comne across a person that doesn't, it just doesn't faze them at all :(
just because you are now a radio personality, it doesn't mean that your personal life should be up for discussion!
the girl that asked you about your personal life infront of your daughter should be ashamed!!
It would bother me too, to hear all this negativity. Not sure how I would handle it..maybe through jokes and then vent through voodoo dolls?!?!?!?!(j/k)

Natasha said...

You go and get The Four Agreements and read it. Nothing is personal. It's all just opinion. Even the good stuff is just opinion. You get to pick what you believe to be true.

You laugh about it.

People asking if you're gay are just being hopeful. ;-) And seriously, it's the short hair. There are people who are very simple-minded, who think that everything should be pinned down and obvious, that we should all fit into two simple gender roles, and that women who like men wear long hair and women who are lesbians like to wear their hair short as a beacon so other lesbians can find them. Maybe it's also that you are getting a divorce. I mean, the gall you have to get a divorce AND have short hair! You're sending out signals all over the place, Jo!

There's nothing wrong with being gay but there is something wrong with making assumptions about people. But if people are just asking, I'm betting that they're just hopeful and assuming that if you're gay, you won't mind saying so (because why should you?).

I find that cruel words hurt more when coming from people you thought were your friends. It's not the words, it's the desire to hurt you. When you trust people and like people, it hurts when they then want to hurt you.

Mel said...

Ok, as your friend who is not in the public eye... not sure if I can give you good advice on how to deal with this but here are some thoughts...

I agree with Tash about people asking you if your gay, clearly you are an attractive lady and spark interest with more than just the men. They ask because they want to know.

No matter what you do, or say on the radio you are going to have people who don't want to hear it and will have an opinion about it. But behind every one hater, you have 10 people that need to hear what you have to say. That is why you are at Now. No other host has your perspective on life. The world is full of different people going through different events. Some people need to hear Rachel's perspective about becoming a new wife a new mom and starting out in those things. Some people hate babies and happy people... so they listen to Fitzy ;)

I don't think you need tough skin because that will change part of what makes you great! You do care what people think, and you are still learning. You went for a long time without sharing anything from your personal life. You will adjust and find a happy medium to mix enough fun with serious. You are good at this and every time you turn on that mic you get better.

There will always be haters and 18 year old Vally girls who feel sorry for you. But focus on the positive. I know there are callers and texters that tell you they love you and they need your perspective. Keep reading those!!

Mel

Anonymous said...

Joelle, having been through the big "D" I can understand you a little and the tough days like these. It seems when you go through something hard, you are a little extra sensitive to the way people see you. It is a terrible time but it will make you stronger in the long run. "You have enemies? Good that means you've stood up for something sometime in your life." Sir Winston Churchill said that. There are things worth fighting for like your family and kids, your values like not watching crap on tv and spending time with your kids. "Don't worry when people don't congratulate you ... remember, mediocrity never congradulates excellence." Keep your head high and never apologize for who you are to anyone, if they don't like it, its their problem, no matter how famous you get or how vulnerable you are or how much information they have. You can't control what people say, only how you let it affect you. Its an ongoing battle to keep it in check but you can do it!!

Anonymous said...

Some very good advice in the writings above. I will try to add my nickels worth. Tough skin is one thing but skin has always and will always be permeable. Certain things are meant to pass through and others so well blocked that we never know we were exposed. Take things for face value, consider the source and context. If a comment comes from anger, jealousy or blatent ignorance just let it bounce off. U may consider and absorb something if is done with tact and intelligence and isnt just a hurtful jab. Being sensitive is a rare trait in a world of fear and lack of expression. Never be afraid of who u r and feel you need to change for anyone else. This makes u special, a true gem.

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to add that as a PG in the north, i have learned that skin is best in variable thicknesses, that permeability i was talking about is there so we can live. Too thick and we keep out many essentials. If u chose to be more open, honest, and real then u do make yourself vulnerable. Therefore have skin of variable thickness and once u consider the source etc... Either absorb or reflect away, both allow u to live as you.

Tanya said...

Wow it makes me angry listeners are making those sort of comments about you Joelle. Please know many of us recognize you are warm, kind, funny individual.

I have found strangers feel they have some sort of right to make public commentary when one is a single parent. I have heard everything from how sad it is I am a single parent.... from people who don't even know my journey or that my kid's are better off, to comments that I should not have so many kid's (I have 3), oh and my favorite is young parent comments because I happen to look younger than I actually am. How do I deal with it? I vent to friends and try to keep in mind there must be something lacking in those peoples lives causing them to need to criticize other's. There is a saying "the one that anger's you, control's you." I just refuse to let negative people tear me down because I know how hard I have worked to be comfortable with who I am and to love myself. I have also learned to be blunt when people ask things that don't pertain to them and tell them I would rather not discuss it or that it was not an appropriate time to discuss it. ((big hugs)) to you. You are a strong wonderful woman, don't let anyone make you feel any differently.

Anonymous said...

Joelle, living next door to you as long as I did, your life is not boring!!! Tell people not to judge until they walk a mile in your shoes.

Amy said...

There seems to be an epidemic of people now a days who are ultra critical. We see it everywhere, it's ridiculous. I'm sad that you will receive more of that now being in the public eye, and ear. I guess you could say it's a price to pay in having this career that you LOVE.

The fact is that you are on the radio because of who you are. You are real. You are genuine. You are open. You are hilarious. People can relate to you, are drawn to you, and are tuning in to hear YOU.

I agree with all the advice given already: focus on the positive and what's actually in your control. It's what you've done with this blog already with your gratitudes. If you encounter a bad comment, make sure you always read some positive ones after.
You're only a call or text away from good friends who can help you forget about the idiots.

Tracy said...

The book that Natasha recommended called The Four Agreements is a great book. I highly endorse it to my clients. A lot of wisdom packed into a small book. My additional advice, you have been given 2 ears for a reason. You get to choose how long the message comes in one ear and out the other. You decide how much you pay attention to the message, play it over and over or, pretend the space between your ears is a German highway with no stop signs. The message comes in and leaves fast. Consider the source of the message and whether you respect or admire the person. Then give yourself permission to let the message go if you neither respect nor admire the source of the information. Everyone is entitled to their opinion but you and only you get to decide how to interpret this, how long to think about and consider it, OR NOT. You get to decide Joelle. Take your anger and use the energy from it to take the control back. When I think about the intense hatred I have towards this one person who hurt my daughter, I ask myself, how much has this kid already stolen from me and my family? And now I am letting him take even more valuable time from me with my thoughts. So I decide, NO MORE. I choose to control what I think about, what I want to accomplish every day, how I can help another person, what I am going to create for dinner, etc etc. Take your control back. Don't give it up. It is not always easy, but after you try this a few times, you will notice it gets a bit easier. It is automatic to me now. By the way...when I saw my mother in laws mouth move, I immediately thought of the space in between my ears as very short and without stop signs. The message came and left without me even giving it one second of attention. Saved me from years of feeling badly. Good luck. You will be ok. And you are a great person.