Monday, January 23

What I Have Learned About Myself Thus Far.

This past week was hard. Doing the morning show for 6 days was hard, way harder then I thought it would be. But the funny thing is, it's not the actual work that I found difficult. If I am being completely honest, the actual work is not difficult one little bit. I love the actual job, (if I can even call it that). To me what I do there is fun, relaxing, interesting and a true pleasure. I chat with people all day and listen to music. The radio station is my happy place.  So to be clear; the work was not difficult. 


What was difficult this past week was arranging childcare. Getting to bed on time. Getting up at 3 am. Making sure dinner was made for whomever was watching the kids that night. Making sure my kids got off to school on time. Phoning around to make sure school was not closed and if it was where my kids would go on the days the weather was so bad. Trying to maintain the mother role while running with my arms full was my biggest challenge.


All of these things were stressful. Very stressful some of the time. But through it all what I learned was...


I really enjoy my life right now. I enjoy being busy and having things to do. My time is done with staying home full time and I am unbelievably grateful for that. I gave it everything I had and it still took more. I voluntarily gave it all I had, and it now feels like the universe is saying thank you, job well done (well at least you did an acceptable job). So now it's my turn, at least on weekends. I appreciate the slow and gradual merging back into the real world.  I enjoy feeling challenged and I thrive in situations that demand a sharp learning curve. It's where I am most comfortable.


I am working on being happy (in every aspect of my life), that will come. And my humor will return to its entirety. One day I will be so happy I will almost forget how much this all hurt. One day I will laugh at everything like I used to, instead of only most of the time. But for now I will settle for feeling like I am on the right path.
You can not rebuild something that is perfectly intact, so I am grateful for the demolition that my heart, soul and faith has undergone over the last few years. I feel broken in every way, and I am now in a place to do some of my best learning and rebuilding. 


I am surrounding myself with gentle teachers, reliable builders and kind supporters and I am an excellent student. This week showed me, again, in a different genre that I can do hard things. And I can do them well. 


Difficult times do not define you, nor should they be fought. Difficult times give you the opportunity to show who you really are when you allow them to break you open. They will help you see who you are, the true authentic you.


This last week, I was introduced to more of who the authentic Joelle really is, and I really like her. I like her a lot. She is growing on me, she has good hair.




Today


I am grateful for the sun. It was 2 degrees out today, the sun was warm on my face when I drove home. I loved it.


I am grateful for my ability to see things as they are. 


I am grateful for sleeping in.....OOH HOW I LOVE SLEEPING IN!! 


1 comment:

ken-inatractor said...

you know what i find odd to deal with sometimes? After reading my way through your life on your blog it feels like i know you a little bit and you know nothing about who we are that read your posts.The things that you talked about today, mostly dealing with organizing your children through the coldest week in a couple years,plus diong the morning show, and Saturday. I wondered to myself how you were pulling that off? Sleep in and relax, you did a great job, You deserve it. :)