Sunday, May 1

With a heavy heart

I received a text from my Sister (half sister Tella) this weekend that the baby she has been carrying had passed. An ultrasound showed no heartbeat, and the baby was no more. 

My heart is hurting for her, and for everything that came along with that horrible news. 

I found myself crying a lot yesterday for her and Conner. I cried for their loss. For the excitement a baby brings, for the little one I was ecstatic to meet and love. I cried because I will never understand why some women go through this and others don't. I cried for how much she will now have changed because of this. 

I wish we lived closer, I wanted to throw my arms around her and just hold her. I wanted to sit with her the whole day and let her talk. I wanted to cook for her and take care of her so she knew she was not alone. When I spoke to her on the phone she said "its OK"
I said NO ITS NOT! There is nothing OK about this, and you don't need to try and make others feel better. You don't need to be strong, or pretend your heart is not broken. You are allowed to be upset, you are allowed to hurt, you are allowed to hate the world right now. 

I want Tella to know I love her. The sun will return, it might not be for a while, but I promise it will return.