Tuesday, March 15

Day two of anniversary week; more of what I have learned

Shortly after I had my climbing accident I became really sad. I think for a short time I would even say I danced on the line of depression.
My ankle was really sore all the time. I was completely unable to do much of anything, even walking up and down the stairs was so difficult and frustrating it would bring me to tears (and I live in a 4 level split with the bathroom on the top and bottom levels so I was crying a lot). 


I was unable to do anything other than have my foot elevated and most definitely was unable to function as a mother/homemaker.


I was on crutches and could not weight bear at all. When I did straighten my left leg it was substantially shorter than the right. My hips were out of alignment and my back was a wreck.


We ended up hiring help for the children and for basic day to day things and I did not do much of anything during the day at first, which is not good for someone like me. I was losing my mind to monotony and boredom.


Eventually after almost 5 weeks I was able to go to physio, which was at least something to do. But physio was slow. I had never had an injury before and was not prepared mentally for how long recovery would take.


I kept getting more and more sad, feeling sorry for myself, lonely, angry even. I felt like this was unfair. At the time I was serving as the Primary President (in charge of the children) for our church and I was even becoming angry with God. Why did this to happen to me? Was I not doing enough for him? My father John had just had a horrible accident months before, why was that not enough of a trial? Why take away my working body? Why me?


It was a dark time for me, one I don't care to ever experience again. One night I was at the computer mindlessly reading about what everyone else was doing when I somehow stumbled on this...





A friend of mine had posted it on her Facebook wall and it caught my eye. After I watched it I just sat at my computer and cried. I cried and I cried and I cried, the kind of cry that shakes your soul. 
"I am not my body" instantly became my new Mantra.


I was moved to write her and tell her everything that had been going on with me and how I felt so sad about my body. How I worried I would never be the same again. I also thanked her for sharing her story. I felt hope that even if I don't ever completely return to how I was before, it is still okay. I felt like there was somebody out there who understood; I'm not comparing my broken ankle to her burned body, but I felt like somebody knew how I felt.  


That was when I changed my attitude about everything. I decided to view physio as my job, and I enjoyed the people and time I was given to focus on my recovery and to feel more gratitude. I tried to see things more on the positive side. Life would still be beautiful, if I chose to see it that way. 
Life has it's ups and downs, always has and always will. It's how I choose to respond to those trials that is going to make all the difference. 


It was a good lesson.


J


Today:


I am grateful for the wonderful lady at church who made Nora a beautiful blanket. She loves it and we have toted it around all day. 


I am grateful my invitation finally arrived! Would you look at this fine piece of forgery I got?


I am grateful for the new tradition of a turkey dinner in March!