Wednesday, September 21

Does this shade of failure go with these shoes?

I have been flip flopping on whether or not I should write this post for a while now, months actually. I have concluded that writing it is best, but for the sole purpose of making future posts less confusing and easier to follow. Also allowing me the true freedom of saying exactly how I am feeling when I am feeling it. Hence the point of this blog. 


So I will begin by saying I will not go into detail about anything. I will give Drew the same respect I hope for from him. I do not believe in airing dirty laundry or upsetting people who are close to me, so I won't. I will not be rude, slander, or call names. He is, and forever will be, the father of my beautiful children, and I love them too much to do that.


 I will not except any pity, or self righteous comments. And to you, let me make it clear, if you ever show up on my door step ever again and tell me God loves my children less because of this, I will harm you.....kisses:)


Drew and I are adults, and capable of making decisions. This one is no different then the thousands of others before it. It was not made in haste or without care and deep thought. 
I chose to write about it because it will be known by everyone in time, I decided to do it on my terms, and with my words. 


.....Big Breath....


So with all that, today was a hard day. Today was the first day in my new role as a single parent. So far, I'm off to a shaky start.


While I was getting ready this morning and looking myself over in the mirror I texted a friend and asked," Does this shade of pathetic failure make me look fat?" "Does it go with these shoes?"


I chuckled to myself as I fought back tears. 


I feel tender and raw, once again my big girl panties will get a tug, and I will keep moving forward, like I do the best way I know how. With a twisted sense of humor, a smile on my face, and a willingness to learn more in the process. I will be just fine. 


...Big breath... 


Today:


I am eternally grateful for my mother. We have a different relationship, but she understands what I am going through right now and I am thankful for her gift to send me on this trip to London for some much needed time away to clear my head from all this. 


I am grateful for my kind and loving neighbor who brought over dinner. She was smart enough to know that my children needed more then cereal, which was all I was capable of tonight. 


I am grateful for the staff meeting I had at the radio station, it gave me a reason to get up today.


J



3 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are a beautiful Lady! You are the best Mother your children have! You are a strong women and you will get through all you put your mind too! You are loved more than you know, or you give your self credit for. Your Children will be fine...

Amanda Adams said...

No pity from me...just a whole bunch of respect and love!!! :D

Natasha said...

How did I miss this? You're splitting up?! I had no idea! Wait, yes I did. I called it nine years ago. (Way to hang in there!)

You're such a copycat that it's starting to get worrisome. Just so you know, you don't have to move to Victoria and start being hot and happy, AS WELL. People will talk. Start doing something original for a change.

(I love imagining how people will read this.)

xoxo.