Thursday, September 22

Day two, doing well!

Today was alright. I am going to really appreciate distractions. Keeping my mind busy is going to be what gets me through this first bit. 
So after I dropped Nora at Pre-school I went into the city to find a few things I need for my house (a lamp, side table for my bedroom, a rug, a picture for my wall...etc)

All was going well, then out of nowhere I was hit with this panic attack from hell and could hardly breath... 

 And so begins my blog of gratitude's;


I am grateful I did not fall on the floor today when this crap panic attack happened. I was able to keep it together...somewhat.

I am grateful I did not throw up during panic attack. I don't think that happens, but it could, and I am glad it did not happen to me.

I am grateful for Natasha who, in response to my emergency text to her saying I was having said panic attack and that I think I need drugs she replied this way:

Won't fix anything at all, just remember that. It will only put things off AND you'll have a drug problem to boot. BUT, if you think you might want to never go off drugs, and just live numbly until you kill yourself indirectly, then I say you've found yourself a viable life option and go for it and I'm here to support you :-D

Man I find her humor and timing a life saver! I laughed out loud and the panic vanished!

I am grateful for odd jobs that have found there way to me so I can make a little spending money for this trip of mine coming up in 27 DAYS!!!

I am, yet again, grateful for my neighbor Keira for dinner tonight! 

I am grateful for the beautiful night we had, and the fantastic walk me and the kids went on.  The geese were heading south. Sad to think the cold weather is on its way, but I love the fall colours. Sigh....we live in such a beautiful place!

I am grateful for all the letters, e-mails, phone calls that I received today with zero pity. Just love. Thanks everyone! humor is also appreciated! 

I am grateful for my children, who were bored this afternoon, so they decided they wanted to learn to bake a cake. It was good to laugh with my kids!

I am grateful for the e-mail I got from a family member that said (in regards to my big girl panties remark)

Big girl panties stretch you as a person more than you stretch them. Overall, this is a very good &empowering thing. they are now my favorite garment!

Great words! thank you!

I am grateful for kindness and patience. Love and support! Friends who are gentle and understand what I need right now.

I am grateful. Tired, but grateful! Life is still wonderful!



Anonymous said...

Hey Joelle,
I was just thinking of you today and wondered if the song Beautiful by Lucy Schwartz was on your favs list? If not, try it out, I think you may like it!
It really brightens my day.
With love.

Natasha said...

That Natasha girl is funny but, reading between the lines, I think what she was saying was that she has a crush on you and thinks of you in the shower when she's washing away the long hair from her head that slides down her back and gets stuck in between her bum cheeks. *cough* Create distance now. *cough*