Thursday, September 29

Helpful fractions!

Being a grown up can suck sometimes. For those of you who like fractions, and really , who doesn't love a good fraction now and then?
I'd say being a grown up sucks 2/7 th's of the time.

Tonight after a long day of:
-Having to buy all three boys new shoes today because some how ALL of them had shoes that were too small this morning?
-Paying more for my truck that was just fixed.
-Missing my meeting with my boss.
-Talking to the bank about things way beyond my maturity level.
-Sorting a small issue.
-Having to pee so bad I almost wet myself
-Nora tearing down my neighbors shelf that was attached to her wall and ruining the drywall.

....I spoke to my boss on the phone about what was going to be spoken about in my meeting with him. (that I missed)

Sigh....what a nice way to end a rather rough day. And I am so sorry I am not able to write about it now, but I promise its good. If you can, listen on Saturday...I'll share this weekend!


I am grateful for practical things like fractions that help get my points across on my blog.

I am grateful Keira dd not yell at Nora, and was very loving. Although I would have turned a blind eye if you had lost it on her!

I am grateful for music, and how helpful It is for me when I feel on the edge of insanity! Thank you Ingrid Michaelson!

I am grateful for a good sleep and a new day!


Wednesday, September 28

Finally a day of rest

Today was a great day. Started out OK, progressed to good, and by the end was great. 

I will be able to tell you more details about why it's great after my meeting with my boss in the morning...I'm really excited!!! 

I can't wait t share (big smile)!

So off I go to bed. 


I am grateful for all the texts, e-mails, phone calls I get from people who love and support me. 
thank you very much! 

I am grateful for how kind my children are to each other. Ethan has been helping Gabe with his french homework. 

I am grateful for the nice weather we are having! 


Tuesday, September 27

Some days are better than others.

I love this new "chapter" in life. It's so exciting to see what I will be feeling in the next 60 minutes I can't help but feel like the emotional equivalent of the Alberta weather patterns.
"Just wait 5 minutes and it will change"

Some days I am calm and happy, then in the blink of a phone conversation, or text message furiously angry in the tripod position heaving breath and ready to fight.

It's so exciting! I do have a few constants in my life and for them I am grateful. My one supportive bra, good and caring friends, and my never failing one phone call away from a belly laugh friend.

Life is still good.

My other constant is the radio. Every Saturday and Sunday I walk through the doors and literally leave my pile of emotional baggage on the step. It sadly does not ever go play in traffic and get hit by a truck, but at least for 8 hours a day I am free of stress and worry. In that tiny control room it's just me, Chris, 2 mics and a lot of laughs. Sprinkle in the occasional song or two and it's a good time!

This past weekend Chris and I had a (few) special quests come in. Crazy how it happened. I received a text from a listener saying there was a accordion festival  happening in Edmonton, and both Chris and I perked right up and said "can you come down?"

Austin came don and played for us.

I even gave it a try, but that sucker is hard and you have to really yank on it to get it working...That's what she said!

Over all it was a good weekend. 

I also had two ladies come in with home made Lip Balm for me to try. 
You can find her at (FYI) DO NOT FORGET THE DASHES!!!!! 
I think the lip balm was wonderful!!! 

I am grateful for the meal Annie brought my family tonight. Thank you my dear!

I am grateful for pretty colours, and soft pillows. 

I am grateful for music and for almost 8 hours of sleep last night!!!!!


Friday, September 23

Train and Maroon 5 concert

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to go see Train and Maroon 5 in concert. For reasons you are now seeing, I was not really in the mood to write about it then. But today seems as good a day as any.

I am not really sure what I was expecting. I have enjoyed their music for years, but because of everything that has been going on I was hoping simply be entertained and distracted for a few hours. I was not disappointed!

Patrick Monahan has a stage presence that would equal 10 children with A.D.H.D. and thankfully it was contagious. I am a chronic seat dancer anyway but when the music is loud, and other people are moving I can't control myself. My feet were tapping and hips were shaking nonstop. He jumped, ran, sang, proposed,  played to and with the crowed continually and it was fantastic!  Train's music is light and meaningful and I enjoyed singing along to the lyrics he wrote just for me..well that night they were for me.

Maroon 5 was great too. Adam Levine is one sexy mother! I think by the time Maroon 5 was on it was rather late and because I work weekends now (and hardly sleep at the best of times) I was aware of how late it was getting and was feeling tired. But he put on a great show, and the guitar solos were sensational! I loved it and hope to see them again one day! But next time I want to meet Adam....sigh.

It was a good night with my friends!


I am grateful for shopping with Melanie for her new foster baby. 

I am grateful for the dinner Sam brought over tonight. 

I am grateful for weekends at the radio station. 


Thursday, September 22

Day two, doing well!

Today was alright. I am going to really appreciate distractions. Keeping my mind busy is going to be what gets me through this first bit. 
So after I dropped Nora at Pre-school I went into the city to find a few things I need for my house (a lamp, side table for my bedroom, a rug, a picture for my wall...etc)

All was going well, then out of nowhere I was hit with this panic attack from hell and could hardly breath... 

 And so begins my blog of gratitude's;


I am grateful I did not fall on the floor today when this crap panic attack happened. I was able to keep it together...somewhat.

I am grateful I did not throw up during panic attack. I don't think that happens, but it could, and I am glad it did not happen to me.

I am grateful for Natasha who, in response to my emergency text to her saying I was having said panic attack and that I think I need drugs she replied this way:

Won't fix anything at all, just remember that. It will only put things off AND you'll have a drug problem to boot. BUT, if you think you might want to never go off drugs, and just live numbly until you kill yourself indirectly, then I say you've found yourself a viable life option and go for it and I'm here to support you :-D

Man I find her humor and timing a life saver! I laughed out loud and the panic vanished!

I am grateful for odd jobs that have found there way to me so I can make a little spending money for this trip of mine coming up in 27 DAYS!!!

I am, yet again, grateful for my neighbor Keira for dinner tonight! 

I am grateful for the beautiful night we had, and the fantastic walk me and the kids went on.  The geese were heading south. Sad to think the cold weather is on its way, but I love the fall colours. Sigh....we live in such a beautiful place!

I am grateful for all the letters, e-mails, phone calls that I received today with zero pity. Just love. Thanks everyone! humor is also appreciated! 

I am grateful for my children, who were bored this afternoon, so they decided they wanted to learn to bake a cake. It was good to laugh with my kids!

I am grateful for the e-mail I got from a family member that said (in regards to my big girl panties remark)

Big girl panties stretch you as a person more than you stretch them. Overall, this is a very good &empowering thing. they are now my favorite garment!

Great words! thank you!

I am grateful for kindness and patience. Love and support! Friends who are gentle and understand what I need right now.

I am grateful. Tired, but grateful! Life is still wonderful!


Wednesday, September 21

Does this shade of failure go with these shoes?

I have been flip flopping on whether or not I should write this post for a while now, months actually. I have concluded that writing it is best, but for the sole purpose of making future posts less confusing and easier to follow. Also allowing me the true freedom of saying exactly how I am feeling when I am feeling it. Hence the point of this blog. 

So I will begin by saying I will not go into detail about anything. I will give Drew the same respect I hope for from him. I do not believe in airing dirty laundry or upsetting people who are close to me, so I won't. I will not be rude, slander, or call names. He is, and forever will be, the father of my beautiful children, and I love them too much to do that.

 I will not except any pity, or self righteous comments. And to you, let me make it clear, if you ever show up on my door step ever again and tell me God loves my children less because of this, I will harm you.....kisses:)

Drew and I are adults, and capable of making decisions. This one is no different then the thousands of others before it. It was not made in haste or without care and deep thought. 
I chose to write about it because it will be known by everyone in time, I decided to do it on my terms, and with my words. 

.....Big Breath....

So with all that, today was a hard day. Today was the first day in my new role as a single parent. So far, I'm off to a shaky start.

While I was getting ready this morning and looking myself over in the mirror I texted a friend and asked," Does this shade of pathetic failure make me look fat?" "Does it go with these shoes?"

I chuckled to myself as I fought back tears. 

I feel tender and raw, once again my big girl panties will get a tug, and I will keep moving forward, like I do the best way I know how. With a twisted sense of humor, a smile on my face, and a willingness to learn more in the process. I will be just fine. 

...Big breath... 


I am eternally grateful for my mother. We have a different relationship, but she understands what I am going through right now and I am thankful for her gift to send me on this trip to London for some much needed time away to clear my head from all this. 

I am grateful for my kind and loving neighbor who brought over dinner. She was smart enough to know that my children needed more then cereal, which was all I was capable of tonight. 

I am grateful for the staff meeting I had at the radio station, it gave me a reason to get up today.


Friday, September 16

The way I write my blog

Last night (an entire day) after posting my last blog post I re-read over what I had written, and to my horrified shock, I noticed all the spelling mistakes and grammatical errors I had put in (ironically enough) my public thank you to my English teachers. 
This comes as no surprise to me, this is kind of a running theme in my life. I love a good public humiliation like the next girl. Or to be more exact, I have come to expect them, nay, I embrace them. They keep me humble. 

It got me thinking I should try to redeem myself a bit and explain how I write in hopes to show I am not completely mentally incapable. 

When I write a blog post it is often very late at night, after the children go to bed. And for obvious reasons that can lead to oversights in editing. 
If by chance I get to write during the day (which is rare) I try to proof read a few times before bed. Except the other night, I wrote it and then fell asleep after a late night of visiting when a friend came over....hence my Blog post that could have been better written by my 9 year old...*shaking my head at myself*.

So thank you for understanding. I assure you there will be many many more oversights and embarrassing post to come for a variety of reasons. I was laughing so hard thinking about my English teachers reading it, probably thinking to themselves "Thank you Joelle for not saying where we work so people don't think this is the level of education we provide"


I am grateful for humor, and the ability I have to laugh at myself. 

I am grateful my truck is finished getting fixed today. I have missed it! 

I am grateful for the sounds of little girls laughing and playing upstairs. 

I am grateful for slow mornings. 

I am grateful tomorrow is Saturday...I love radio days!!! 


Thursday, September 15

Thank you Mrs. Fule for my love of books.

I am not a big reader. Never have been. I find reading a challenge. I CAN read (just to be clear) but I mix words up and it takes me forever to get through a book. I like to blame my mother for this, I tell here it's because of smoking and all the heavy drinking she did when pregnant with me. She just scoffs and laughs and says, "No, it's not from that...It's from the drug use"

I do enjoy reading though and when I find a book that captures my attention I find it almost impossible to put down. To the point were I am unable to separate myself from it's magical world. I won't sleep and when I do, I'm dreaming about the book.
Books are wonderful things!

The reason I am going on about books was because I found this the other day in my hope chest down stairs.

 My hope chest is filled with my special things from when I was a child/youth that mean something to me. I have old pictures, love letters from boys, my costume from singing in the '88 Olympic choir,a promise ring, and this spring book. It's hard to read the puffy paint title on the horrific fabric, but trust me, that's what it says Spring Book by Joelle with flowers.

I made this spring book in Grade 5. I made it in Mrs. Fule's class. Mrs. Fule would read to us when we were in her class. I LOVED being read to, I still do. Because I found books challenging I enjoyed listening to her read and tell stories, and the book I enjoyed listening to read the most was called Cowboys Don't Cry by Marilyn Halvarson.

Every class that she read the story, she had my complete attention. I fell in love with this book Mrs. Fule read to us. Well, when spring came around she had us make these Spring books. We were to fill it with things that reminded us of spring.
Then after we finished the books Mrs. Fule awarded us prizes for the best and I won. My first place prize was a copy of Cowboys Don't Cry. MY FAVORITE BOOK!

Funny how I still remember all of that experience. I read and re-read that story about 100 times I had to tape the cover back on.
 I can pinpoint to the exact second in my life, when I fell in love with books. Not all teachers have such lasting influence on every student, but Mrs. Fule did on me.

Later on when I was in High school I had her husband as an English teacher too. And he is, without question, why I enjoy Shakespeare as much as I do. Teachers are amazing people. Thank you both for sparking a love of literature in a little girl!

A small bit of my collection, and I am not even a tad embarrassed to admit I read (and loved) Twilight!

One day I'll tell you about my other most favorite teacher of all time. Mr. Lenox.

Who was the teacher that meant the most to you and why?


I am grateful there are only 34 more days until I leave on my trip to London!!!

I am grateful for Natasha, who, without fail will stay up all hours of each night just to talk to me when I need someone to listen. I LOVE YOU!!!!!

I am grateful for love and support!

I am grateful for comfy pants.


Wednesday, September 14

How girls find style!

Today was an exciting day here, today Nora went to preschool for the first time.
I had never bothered with preschool for the boys, mostly because there was no way they would have been interested or ready that young.

But Nora is different. I think (in my experience) girls are a little more mature for the "school setting" at this age then boys (mine anyway). Plus, Nora is alone a lot during the day with the boys in school full time. She was such a trooper last year tolerating the 4 hour drive each day for this year she gets to do something special. PRESCHOOL!

This morning when the boys got ready for school, Nora had a bath and combed her hair. I told her she had to go into her room and get dressed because today is a special day and she is going to get her picture taken when she gets to school.I showed her a few things that might be OK and I left her to figure it out.

After about 20 minutes this is what she came down in.

I tried and tried (in a very lovingly way) to suggest maybe something else for today. But she would have no part of it. At first I was actually a little bothered, I was worried what the others moms might think/say. Then I got to thinking, I don't want her to ever doubt herself. If she is comfortable, happy, and likes what she has on, who am I to say anything to her. I always let her pick out her own clothes, why would today be any different, just because of what someone I don't even know might think...pft!
Then after another 20 minutes she went upstairs and changed into this. She actually said "I need more pink and red today"

 I am thrilled with the outfit. And I am even more thrilled with the smile she has on her beautiful little face in the outfit! And I'll just say now, you are welcome world, I am preparing a girl who will make her choices based on what she wants and not because of others. (Well I'm trying anyway.)
This is a good start! 

Bravo my girl, Bravo! I could not be more proud!

Ooh I forgot to show you the shoes she picked for her indoor footwear....

Ya, I know. Speechless right!


I am grateful for this little creature, and for the lessons I learn from her in my life.

I am grateful for my dentist who is helping me fix this constant clenched jaw of mine. 

I am grateful for an early bed time tonight. 


Saturday, September 10

Pretty exciting news!

I received a phone call this afternoon from 102.3 NOW radio. 

It went something like this...

"Hi Joelle; it's the Boss."

"Hey Boss how's it going?"

"Wanna know who rocks?"

(Jokingly) "I hear Sonic rocks." (A different radio station in Edmonton)

(He snickers) "No silly.  You rock."


"Well... there is a part time position opening up (Saturday & Sunday show from 8am-3pm) and we've decided you're the girl for that position."

(Complete dead silence ensues)...

(The Boss, knowing me a little bit) "Are you crying?"

(I was... really bad... the ugly cry.  It just burst right out of me.  "I'm going to have to call you back in a few minutes when I gain my composure."

He texts me after I hang up - 'Quit dancing around the house. LOL!!!'

So... I got it! I am now the official co-host with Chris Love on weekends for 102.3 NOW Radio! 

****I have had a hard time removing this smile off my face!!!!***

I DID IT!!!!



I am grateful for the support I receive. I have good people in my life!

I am grateful for this amazing opportunity!

I am grateful for kijiji Edmonton. I am able to find everything I need for my house on it! 

Today is 9/10/11- thought that was a cool thing;)

Friday, September 9

A time in my life I wish I wasn't reliving

A couple of days ago the faucet in my bathroom broke.  This sadly is a regular occurrence in my house - the plumbing doesn't seem to be stellar in this old place (neither is the electricity for that matter).  But in this particular instance the other day my plumbing went.

We've replaced this faucet three times already but it still doesn't seem to last very long.  So now, I have to have a shower using pliers.  The other day while I was having a shower and reefing on the tap with pliers it dawned on me that one time in my life many moons ago when I worked as an EMT in Northern Alberta the station I worked at also had a shower that looked awfully similar to this one.

Eerie the similarities and I hate it just as much today as 13 years ago... does anyone know a good plumber?

Also on the topic of broken things, this is what I managed to do to my brand new RED vacuum today (that I just got a couple of months ago after I lit the other one on fire).

And if you look carefully you can see the smoke coming from the agitator.  I have got skills in many departments, clearing including the destruction of household necessities.


I am grateful for the ridiculously hot weather we got.

I am grateful that I got a little call from the radio station telling me the time I'm with Chris got extended an additional hour - so I'm on from 8am - 11am Saturdays and Sundays now!  Yea me!

I am grateful for my totally cool daughter who was spinning around the neighbourhood looking like this today.

I am so stinkin grateful I got a phone call from my clients that just had the baby, and I got to come over and hold "the Captain" while the new parents slept for a little bit.  I LOVE BEING A DOULA!


Wednesday, September 7

Helping with baby number 38

I think I have mentioned it before, that I am a Labour and Delivery Doula. It has been a full year since I helped deliver a baby, so I have not talked about it in a while... until today.
Just to recap - a Doula is a labour support person. I get hired by couples to help them with support before, during and shortly after the birth of their child.  I also teach childbirth education classes in the clients home.
I love being a Doula.  Because I am really busy with other things, I only take a few clients a year. It's long and hard work. Women can be in labour for days. So it's sometimes a huge time commitment - but always worth it. It never gets old for me. I am still just as amazed when I see a new life come into the world as I was the first time.

Today I helped a couple welcome into the world this little creature.

Because I never talk about my clients, you sadly won't find out any details (but they did give me permission for these photos).

Practically perfect in every way!

So I am now off to bed. It has been a very long day and night and I am exhausted.


I am grateful for the wonderful gift I have been given by these families who allow me to be a part of this amazing moment with them. I am truly blessed to be allowed to share this.

I am grateful I never get bored with the wonder of life.

I am grateful for my very comfortable bed.


Tuesday, September 6

Long weekend Bliss!

This last long weekend of the summer was a good one. I was at the 102.3 NOW station again and it went well. I have such a great time there, Chris and I laughed an awful lot!
This was my second weekend and I can't get over the feeling I have when I am there. When I walk through the doors (to which I now posses my very own key fob) all of my personal strife and complications stay outside. They do not come in with me. I feel relaxed, and happy inside. It's a good place for me to be.

Chris makes it easy too. He is a really great teacher. This weekend he explained how the music gets programed for the station. That is actually a really really intense process. Every song is coded with about 5 or 6 different things and there has to be a nice balance of this type vs this type. Not too many of this level of song, and this percentage of Canadian music. Really cool stuff.

Handsome Chris doing his thing, getting ready for our show to start.

Sigh...I can't believe summer is over already.
(Shameless plug) The radio station is having a end of summer party and they will be giving tours of the station and you can meet all the hosts next weekend (Sept 10) starting around 10 or 11am. I'll be there. If anyone wants to come down it should be fun. There will be a dunk tank too, and I have agreed to go in it!


I am grateful for the nap I had this afternoon.

I am grateful  for clean sheets.

I am grateful for the weather today. It's so beautiful out tonight.


Cool thing I found today when I was out. A birthday book and it had a little something on each day. Eerie what mine said. It kind of creeps me out when things like this are so accurate.

Saturday, September 3

My idea of heaven

Today at the restaurant, Gerry (my boss) had his whole family come in to eat. His large, loud, camera slinging, prouder then punch Italian speaking family came in. It was a beautiful thing to watch. His parents were smiling so big, looking around at all the pictures of Italy Gerry has on the walls.
Both Melanie and I were a tad jealous that we did not have a huge Italian family like them!

They video taped for what seemed like a full hour before they got food. I loved being a part of it all. I watched as Gerry served his mother and Grandmother and spoke Italian to them. She asked if he was a good boss, and I am thrilled to say I did not even have to lie. Yes he is a great boss!

At one point Gerry asked me to cook some fresh pasta for everyone and my heart stopped. I beg your pardon? You want me to cook pasta for REAL Italians? You're joking right? Ya ya, as opposed to the fake ones I know.  But these people are fresh off the boat.
Thank heavens for English Sam!!!!!! English Sam is also half Italian and has done a mighty fine job teaching me a thing or two about how pasta should be cooked. So it was ok in the end, probably not as good as Sam would have done, but not horrible either!

I can not wait for my trip to Italy. I could have stayed for hours listening to them speak... that's what my heaven is going to be like. Good food and beautiful Italian words. To be honest it could be instructions for how to shave a sheep or how to wipe one's bum, but as long as it's in Italian I'll be a very happy girl!


I am grateful the week is over; it was a rough one but tomorrow is Saturday and I love going to the station!!!!

I am grateful for the extra room I now have on my phone for more music. I am working on a play list for my trip to London. Anyone find anything worth sharing? What are you listening to now? I need new stuff.

I am grateful I have hair and am not balding. Random thought, yes, but I am truly happy with my hair.


Friday, September 2

Swearing 101

Today the topic of conversation right before dinner time was about the word shit. 

I normally refrain from swearing on my blog, but today you need to understand why we were talking about this word. 

A few days ago I was driving all my kids, and our neighbors son to go get school supplies (remember, it was the worst day I've have in months)... well, on my way to the city I had to pass through a complicated construction zone where they had part of the road blocked off. There were pylons directing traffic but I clearly was not paying close enough attention and started driving down the wrong way. I was fast approaching oncoming traffic and almost hit a car. 
At that moment I might possibly have yelled SHIT! Possibly. No guarantees, but there is a pretty decent probability that that word might have come out of my mouth.

All of my children (and the neighbors boy) were silent. They have never heard me swear. (They actually have they were just to young to remember). After a few moments of awkward silence Ethan says to me "why did you say that?"
I respond, "I'm really sorry, I was upset."  I further explained it's not a good reason to swear because you are upset, but in the interest of time and line space on my blog, just trust I wisely parented him in refraining from saying bad words and assured him he'll go straight to Hell if he ever says any of those bad words.

I say, "It's a silly word anyway, not really bad. It just means poo. Angry poo, really really angry poo."

The truck erupts with laughter. Seth is laughing so hard he is snorting. 
ANGRY POO! Why would someone yell ANGRY POO?!

I am giggling now too, "ya, I don't really know why buddy, we just do. People are silly."

So tonight something happened and the children all started yelling, ANGRY POO. The actual swear word is forgotten all I hear is ANGRY POO amongst the snorting and giggles now. 

I absolutely love my kids!


I am grateful for the beginning of the countdown to my trip.  47 days!  

And actually, 27 more days until my birthday.  ** Ahem... ahem... ahem ** 27 more days until my birthday.  

I am grateful for how excited I am for my clients to have their baby soon.  I'm really looking forward to being part of another birth.

I am also grateful that there is only 1 day left until I'm back at the radio station.


Thursday, September 1

The first day of school, the way we do EVERYTHING!

The first day of school is exciting for everyone, myself included.
I leaped out of bed and showered and began getting lunches packed then started special breakfast for the kids. 
The entire time I kept thinking how grateful I am that I no longer have to drive Seth 4 hours every day to and from school (I did that all last year so he could get help with his speech. It was worth every single second of my time, but I am glad I don't need to do that drive this year!)
No more traffic, construction, or snow covered roads. This year he walks the 100 steps with the older boys to school!!!! YAHOOOO!!!

The morning was going well, the children were happy then it happened.

Gabe started screaming downstairs in the living room. Ethan was standing beside him saying sorry while holding the Nerf gun.

Ethan shot him in the eye with a bullet that had Velcro on the tip.

Now, once again I will remind my audience that Drew is a trained Paramedic and once upon a time I was an EMT. Trained professionals we are! Because years of experience has taught me (and the last situation with Nora) Drew and I do NOT work well together in these types of situations, I purposefully chose to stay upstairs while Drew sprinted down the stairs to see what was wrong... even without my involvement, lets just say it was not exactly smooth. 

I in no way should be surprised that the first day of school would involve a trip to the emergency, and yet I am. The day also involved Seth getting bit on the leg by a dog (not really badly, but enough that it broke the skin, left a bruise and added to our list of follies for the day). 

For me one of the highlights was getting my first paycheck in 10 years from Little Italy, then I got to go to the 102.3 NOW station for some training; I got to see Mr. Adam too. I love being in the control room,  I can't wait for the weekend again! (Have I mentioned I'm on at 8am both Saturday and Sunday! In case you hadn't heard yet)

All in all the day was good. Normal for us, in a sick and twisted way, but good.  The boys were happy with their classes and teachers and I'm gratefully we only have one scratched cornea that might require an eye patch. I am looking forward to another fantastic year for everyone. 

My very handsome boys! I am so proud!



I am grateful for school.

I am grateful for the quality of education offered in our little town.

I am so grateful our neighbors boy was not actually lost today. We love him dearly and are glad he just forgot to tell everyone where he went. Because when you asked him why he was lost he said "I wasn't, I knew where I was going."
So cute!