Tuesday, March 15

Day two of anniversary week; more of what I have learned

Shortly after I had my climbing accident I became really sad. I think for a short time I would even say I danced on the line of depression.
My ankle was really sore all the time. I was completely unable to do much of anything, even walking up and down the stairs was so difficult and frustrating it would bring me to tears (and I live in a 4 level split with the bathroom on the top and bottom levels so I was crying a lot). 


I was unable to do anything other than have my foot elevated and most definitely was unable to function as a mother/homemaker.


I was on crutches and could not weight bear at all. When I did straighten my left leg it was substantially shorter than the right. My hips were out of alignment and my back was a wreck.


We ended up hiring help for the children and for basic day to day things and I did not do much of anything during the day at first, which is not good for someone like me. I was losing my mind to monotony and boredom.


Eventually after almost 5 weeks I was able to go to physio, which was at least something to do. But physio was slow. I had never had an injury before and was not prepared mentally for how long recovery would take.


I kept getting more and more sad, feeling sorry for myself, lonely, angry even. I felt like this was unfair. At the time I was serving as the Primary President (in charge of the children) for our church and I was even becoming angry with God. Why did this to happen to me? Was I not doing enough for him? My father John had just had a horrible accident months before, why was that not enough of a trial? Why take away my working body? Why me?


It was a dark time for me, one I don't care to ever experience again. One night I was at the computer mindlessly reading about what everyone else was doing when I somehow stumbled on this...





A friend of mine had posted it on her Facebook wall and it caught my eye. After I watched it I just sat at my computer and cried. I cried and I cried and I cried, the kind of cry that shakes your soul. 
"I am not my body" instantly became my new Mantra.


I was moved to write her and tell her everything that had been going on with me and how I felt so sad about my body. How I worried I would never be the same again. I also thanked her for sharing her story. I felt hope that even if I don't ever completely return to how I was before, it is still okay. I felt like there was somebody out there who understood; I'm not comparing my broken ankle to her burned body, but I felt like somebody knew how I felt.  


That was when I changed my attitude about everything. I decided to view physio as my job, and I enjoyed the people and time I was given to focus on my recovery and to feel more gratitude. I tried to see things more on the positive side. Life would still be beautiful, if I chose to see it that way. 
Life has it's ups and downs, always has and always will. It's how I choose to respond to those trials that is going to make all the difference. 


It was a good lesson.


J


Today:


I am grateful for the wonderful lady at church who made Nora a beautiful blanket. She loves it and we have toted it around all day. 


I am grateful my invitation finally arrived! Would you look at this fine piece of forgery I got?


I am grateful for the new tradition of a turkey dinner in March! 

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I needed that today, for I was preparing an address to others who might also find themselves in circumstances they were unhappy with. We are in control of few things in life, except our thoughts about ourself and our circumstances, and our perception of and behavior toward others. In a society purposefully cleansed of religious thought, I appreciate your braveness in showing that perhaps there is room for a deeper understanding and expression of gratitude towards a God that watches over us always.