Friday, February 11

Another day of tomfoolery at physio!

I have been a lover of pranks my entire life. I love thinking pranks up, I love executing pranks on others, and I happily applaud a successful prank on me. I could probably fill three whole pages with stories of the pranks I've pulled on other people, from hiding dead fish throughout my friends apartment to dead gophers in cars to drawing lines on people's faces to hiding in lockers to scare janitors. Pranks are fantastic!

When I was an EMT my partner Adrian and I used to prank other rigs (ambulances) by putting packages of muco jelly (used to insert catheters, it was water soluble, really thick, and a bugger to get off) on other crews door handles and on the windshield wipers.
Once I took another medics toothpaste from his locker, squirted it all out into a bowl, mixed it with high concentration Lidocaine (a freezing agent), then used a 60cc syringe and squirted it back into the toothpaste tube. Every morning for the next few days he would come out of the bathroom complaining something was wrong with his toothpaste and say that his tongue was numb. He was a really grumpy guy so it made it even funnier.
One time Adrian put Lasix in another medic's coffee before they left on a flight. Lasix is a water pill which makes you pee like mad for the whole day. The reason it's funny is because when you are doing medivacs you can only pee in bags while in the air. Clearly you can see why this makes it even funnier! Possibly cruel, but hilarious.

One of the best pranks pulled on me was when a friend hid a open can of tuna under my bed while I was at work in the middle of the summer (a 12 hour shift).
When I got home I could smell it the second I opened the door to the house. It took me hours to find where it was hidden. And it lingered in my home for days.

So with that preface...

When I went in to physio today and physio guy put me in one of the private rooms I should have guessed something was up. I got the regular heat on my lower back as I read through a trash magazine; its a nice way to lead up to the agony and torture. 

When physio guy came in and started massaging my back, we chatted about my blog (I love that he asks about it but seldom reads it, so I get to say anything I want about him) and about what is new with me.

Then he says a little quieter, J, I have a student with me today.
Ooh, that is nice, his last student was delightful. She never hurt me and we got along really well.
He says, it's a guy,  I am going to start something, can you follow my lead?
HELL to the YES I CAN!!! 
I am always in the mood for a good prank. I love pranks! 

So I am face down on the bed, wearing a hooded sweater and physio guy has pulled my hood over the back of my head so you could not see my face, ears or skin.
The student comes in and Physio guy introduces him to me.
The student says hi, and I respond with a muffled hi.

Physio guy begins,
Well this is Joelle, she was attacked by a bear last year and we have been working on her back and head.
The student giggles.
Physio guys says to me, very seriously, "was it two bears Joelle or just one?"
I am dying inside, but I will not wreck this gag with PG.
There were two bears there, but only one got me.
The student is speaking in an awkward way now, you can hear he is backpedaling. I wish I could have seen his face.
OOh sorry, I thought this....I ....sorry. He stays quiet now.

PG pulls my hood down while he continues to explain the fictional injuries to the back of my head and left side of my face (I am still face down). He then explains to the student some things he wants the student to practice on the base of my skull with a tuning fork.  
PG touches my back and says, Joelle, I am going to leave the student with you, will you be okay. I'm frantically trying to figure out what horrible thing to introduce to the gag when it pops into my head... bedwetting.  That would be awkward!
I reply, well last time the tuning fork made my ears ring, and I had a seizure. But I doubt I will have another accident.
The student is silent.
I say to PG, should you put a blue pad down just in case?
He says no, but says to the student, "you have seen a seizure before, right?"
The student awkwardly and slowly says yes.
The poor kid... then PG leaves.

The student begins working on my skull (which I have never had any work on before so I have no idea what to expect); he is being very gentle which is not normal for physio guy. PG normally digs elbows and wrists into my back/muscles/joints so I know this guy was nervous!
There is a very awkward silence in the room.
So I ask him how he likes school.
He says it's good, he likes this physio place.
Then he says, I am sorry about before when I laughed... I thought PG was being funny.
I said, it's okay. It is a crazy story, so I get it. I'm used to people laughing at me.

He finishes working on my head, and moves to my hip. PG pops his head in and asks how I am.
I ask again if we should get a pad down in case I have an accident because I would be embarrassed.
I can feel this kids tension.
PG says no, he will be back in a minute to check on me.

When that exercise is done, PG comes in and and sends the student out to help PG Lenny before telling me to roll onto my back.
We both start quietly laughing a bit; he tells me he almost laughed when the student came out and told him how bad he felt for laughing at me.
Then he said he is going to have the student come and do some leg stretches with me, but before he calls him back in to the room he grabs a facecloth and covers my face (for my facial injuries). I uncover half so I can see his awkward looks.
The kid comes in and I can feel his eyes on me.

He says, so if this hurts let me know okay?
I assured him I would.
I can feel a nervous tension in the room.
I say, Sorry I have my eye covered because I am still self conscious, I lost my eye and the plastic surgeons are still fixing the mess so kids don't run screaming when they see me.
He says with a nervous chuckle... they don't really do that.
I told him my kids did for the first couple of weeks.  He VERY awkwardly says "Oh. They did?"
I told him it happened during a rock climbing trip; a bear attacked me while I was climbing.
All he keeps saying is "Ooh."

He says "you have kids?" in an attempt to change the subject (I think).
Yes, 4.
Wow, I would never have guessed (I was very flattered, I have lost 12 pounds so far, so that was nice to hear), I almost feel bad about this prank now that he has complimented me... almost.
When we finish the stretch he goes to another patient. PG comes in.
I can not help but giggle now. This poor guy.

PG says we are going to do IMS today, then he says we should put down a blue pad to freak him out and make him really think you are going to pee your pants.
PG starts the needles and begins explaining to this poor student that IMS can cause a serious reaction and I more often than not seize and have an accident. I can almost feel his eyes burning in my back waiting for me to have some type of reaction.  I could barely contain myself. I seriously for a brief moment considered peeing my pants to add to the facade, but obviously there was a 200-1 vote against in my head and I didn't.  

When it was all done, and I was laying with a heating pad on my back, the student comes in and asks if I am okay.

I remove the heating pad and sit up on the table, look at him and jump off (he hadn't seen my face yet this whole time) - he looked confused. Then he turns to PG questioningly and of course PG is smiling and laughing.

I smile, grab my jacket and purse and tell him not to ever believe these guys here, ever!

He sits down, red faced and keeps saying "Are you serious?"

As PG and I are both laughing really hard, I zip up my jacket, smile and say as I'm leaving "ooh and I DO NOT pee my pants!"

PG told me to take a picture of the plastic pee protector covered bed for my blog.  You're so thoughtful PG.

This is the poor student a few minutes after we let him in on the prank and his face is still really red.  I cleverly disguised his true identity because even though he gave me permission, I wouldn't want to embarrass him. He was a good sport and I can't wait until my next visit. 
Poor guy!
I have a feeling he might need to get used to this type of ribbing while on practicum there! 


I am grateful for the good laugh today. I will be giggling about this one for weeks.

I am grateful English Sam watched our children so we could go to Seth's meeting at school. 

I am grateful for the amazing teachers Seth has. 

Also, I am grateful I don't actually pee my pants when I get IMS. 



Anonymous said...

Bahaha, this story is awesome because the student is a good friend of mine and reading it imagining his reactions makes it even better. 8D

Anonymous said...

Hahaha. That's my brother!