Friday, January 14

Deep Breath

I was not the worlds best mom today. I have been noticing that I have been getting increasingly more critical of my children and of Drew over these last few weeks. I am not proud of it, and I hate it about myself, but it's the truth.


I could sit here and explain my side, making a case to why I am acting like this, they are all great reasons. My back is sore pretty much all the time, I am tired ALL THE TIME, I am trying to eat more responsibly which means I am hungry more often, the weather is awful so no one goes out side...you get the picture. 


But tonight while my children ate, cleaned up, bathed, brushed teeth got ready for bed, I was very quick to anger, I was demanding, and I was loud. 


If someone had treated me the way I was treating the ones I love, I would have punched them in the face.


A dear friend came over tonight and lovingly pointed out that I am a better person/mom than this. That perfection is a high standard to expect, and an even harder thing to achieve.


(Deep Breath)


I am a good mom, who is having a bad stretch.
I will tell the children how sorry I am for being so grumpy. 


(Deep Breath)


I am better than this. I will make sure they know how sorry I feel. 


(Deep Breath)


I am going to get more rest, and try again tomorrow.


(Deep Breath) 


I might not have chosen every aspect of this life of mine, but I was a participant in making this life, and I am going to do right by my choices. I am going to do better. I am going to love those within my arms reach better, the way they deserve to be loved.


(Deep Breath)


I am not perfect, so I have no right to expect that of another.


Humbly 


J


Today:


I am grateful for the loving lesson taught to me tonight.
I am grateful for another day to do better.
I am Grateful for date night and having such a wonderful babysitter. 
I am grateful Nora is still chipper even tho she looks/feels worse.


2 comments:

Amanda Adams said...

Nora is a beautiful princess and is rockin' that war wound!!!

You are in my circle of bestest mom friends because of your honesty when it comes to being a mom. We ALL have days like this one and I think that its awesome that you can be truthful about it. So many moms nowadays are trying to be "supermoms" doing it all to appear to have the perfect life and family. I love that I have a lot of non judgemental friends who will lend an understanding ear when I am having days like that and who will also share their stories so I really feel like we are all in this together!

Natasha said...

Everyone has those stretches, Joelle.

The part where you said that you were an active participant reminds me of this line from a May Erlewine and Seth Bernard song that hit me hard: "I'd better start to love the seeds I'm sowing. 'Cause even if I don't, they're gonna keep on growin'." I think about this regularly with regard to my own life.