Friday, November 5

What an excellent start to the weekend.

The last few times Nora and I have walked around West Edmonton mall, we have sat and watched people ice skating on the rink inside the mall.  In the mornings it's a seniors group and Nora and I both love sitting and watching them skate.  There is three different groups of skaters... the perimeter skaters (some obviously have speed skating history and will do laps with a little more determination, not holding the crouch position for very long but enough that they show they have a background in it)... the leisure skaters that stumble and slip but go round and round (more there for the social aspect of it, often skating in groups or pairs and chatting while they awkwardly glide round and round)... and then there are the older figure skaters... this group (a very small group) is in the center of the rink.  They skate backwards and forwards, doing techniques, and have on very rare occasion done some jumps and tight spins.  This is the group that Nora and I watch.  It's fascinating to me watching these elderly women and men.

It is obvious that even though your physical body gets older and finds it harder to do the things that used to come so easily and with such power, you are still young at heart.  Today I watched these two older women who are clearly friends skate and glide, laughing and playing together.  They would in unison do spins and other figure skating things (I have no idea what you call certain figure skating moves).  It warmed my heart to watch them completely enjoying themselves and still doing what they love.  For a brief moment I felt a twinge of jealousy that women over double my age were doing things I physically can't right now because of my injuries.  But then I realized what was wonderful about what they were doing was not the figure skating (the physical activity) so much as spending time with people they enjoy and love, with each other.

Later on in the afternoon, after a few costume changes (normal around here) Nora came down in this little number.
This sweater Dawson's godparents sent up when Nora was born and it is her most favorite sweater.  I think it goes well with the underwear hanging out of the bathing suit and especially the boots.
And later on this evening I went to a friends wedding.  Leah was my date and we had a wonderful time visiting and laughing with each other.  We weren't figure skating, but I think we had a fairly nice time.

Congratulations Nigel.  I wish you and Jeanine all the best.



I am grateful for how happy I feel despite my sore back and leg.  

I am grateful for my family.  Nora has this Beauty and the Beast read along CD that she listens to (in a sort of obsessive way) - she will often just walk upstairs, turn on the CD and then come back down and play with us.  She just needs to have it playing all of the time.  Gabe came up to Drew and I the other day and said "Would you mind if I go and break the Beauty and the Beast CD and throw it in the garbage? It's driving me nuts." Drew and I just chuckled.  He is such a funny boy.

I am grateful for my scallop carbonara tonight at dinner with Leah.  Good food, good friends and lots of laughs.

What would you say to yourself?

Today was not my favorite day. My back is really sore and I went to physio again today to work on it. I had an appointment last night as well.

I feel like this is going to take forever. I know Physio is making things better, it really is, but I sometimes feel like I am taking 3 steps forward, then 1 step back. I guess that is my fault for waiting for so many years before getting help with my back so I can't expect it to be better in 3 weeks. But I wish it would.

After I was finished physio today I went and spent the afternoon with Melanie and Michelle. We were listening to the radio and the conversation they were having was, if you could, "What would you say to the 16 year old you?"

It really made me think. I knew the second I heard the question that I wanted to write about it tonight.
The idea of being able to go back and sit with a younger you is so powerful, stupid, and thought provoking all at the same time. Thoughts just flooded my mind....

The things I would say to my 16 year old self would be;

  • What on earth are you doing with your hair?! And STOP it immediately. (What I wouldn't give to be able to sneak my 16 year old self a flat iron & leave in conditioner back then).
  • I would explain to myself the concept of proper fitting jeans.  And how baggy jeans do not look nice on girls.
  • I would take myself bra shopping and get myself a good, supportive, beautiful bra.  Because the girls belong lifted and separated; not bunched into a uni-boob.
  • Stop wearing your fathers sweaters - they are not cute.  He is a XXL-Tall and you are a size M-Petite.  You look ridiculous.
  • It's OK to own more than one pair of shoes - running shoes are not appropriate with every outfit.  And stop wearing boy t-shirts!!!!!
On a more serious note, I would say to myself:

  • Be kinder to yourself. You are not the ugly girl you think you are, and stop telling yourself that. It is not true. You are really pretty, and you won't appreciate how nice you look now until after you have children. But trust me, 16 year old J has a great body.
  • Stop thinking that you are ugly. Stop selling yourself short.  And stop hurting yourself to try and make yourself thin.  
  • You do not need to kiss a boy to have them like you. You have more to offer. You are better than that.
  • Hang out with your friends more, you have very good friends, and you should spend more time with them.  You are going to be friends with them for many many years - they are good people.  
  • That boy you are with is nice, but you are not right for each other, so maybe end it now before anyone gets hurt.  You aren't as mature as you think you are for this type of relationship.  
  • Look for boys who you enjoy spending time with and who are funny.  Personality matters more than looks or athletic ability.  
  • Travel!  Go places! It will matter to you when you are older.  There is a great big world out there to explore.  And so many experiences to have.  
  • Do things that scare you.  They don't have to be dangerous, just try new things.  
  • Try harder in school.  And don't be so afraid to join the drama club because I know how much you want to but are too afraid of what people will think.  You are a very funny girl and you will do really well there.
  • Don't be embarrassed of the fact you mix up numbers.  It's not that big a deal.  Just tell your teachers and stop hiding it by jacking around in class and pretending you don't care.  You are very smart girl and it's OK to ask for help.
And lastly, I don't mean to scare you, 16 year old J, but one day you are going to have four children.  So you might want to babysit once in a while to have an idea as to what is involved in taking care of children.  And practice cleaning up puke and poo.  'Cause you are going to do a lot of that.



I am grateful for my dear husband who understood that I needed to have a night off when he came home and found me crying because my back hurt so bad.  

I am grateful I found a sweater dress tonight that looks great and I finally have something to wear over tights with boots.

I am grateful tomorrow is a new day.