Tuesday, December 7

My letter of resignation.

(I need to begin this post with an apology for the graphic nature of its contents. I especially apologize to any male readers I might cause to blush, but to fully understand the deep level of embarrassment of my day no detail can be left out.)

To whom it may concern:

Please accept this letter of resignation from my position as Mother of this home. I feel it is important that I explain that this decision was not made in haste, but it is the only appropriate course of action after the day I have had.

This morning I had the dreaded "woman appointment" with my lovely Doctor. I do a pretty good job of avoiding this appointment as much as possible, but today I could no longer put it off. It has been years, and so today was the dreaded Pap appointment.

The regular small talk was done first, asking about my general health. She took a look at my back and we discussed options for this chronic bulging disk pain. Then she said she was going to excuse herself for me to change. This is the most uncomfortable part for most women, because she hands you a tissue paper blanket to cover up with. Not ideal.

When she returned and the woman exam began, it was then that my ever charming daughter decided she did not want to play with my phone anymore and got up and opened the door to the exam room I was in and proceeded to scream "I WANT TO LEAVE HERE" drawing attention to herself and the activities occurring in the room itself. Thank heavens I had that 2 ply tissue blanket, or that would have been REALLY embarrassing.

My doctor, obviously busy, looked at me and said "ooh poop" only not poop.
Thankfully one of the kind people (plural, more then one) who was walking past closed the door for us. I just looked up to the celling and began a musical montage of cuss words in my head. Ooh please let me die right here.

When I left I burst into tears and called Drew and of course he did not know what to say to calm me down. I got into my truck and tried to leave but was unable to get back out of my parking stall because some idiot parked too close behind me. It ended up taking 4 people on all sides of my truck helping me back up so I did not hit anyone. What I wanted to do was smash the guys truck behind me with a baseball bat, but forgave that in favour of leaving the doctors office as fast as possible. 

When I returned home after finishing everything I needed to do, I thought baking would calm me down and make things better. It would have worked had I not dropped the open can of pumpkin on the kitchen floor and had it splash EVERYWHERE possible.

After cleaning it all up singing my cuss song from the doctors office I broke my favorite mug that my mother in law brought me back from San Fransisco. Then... just so the universe could get one last laugh at my expense Nora dumped the entire box of baking soda on my counter.

This resignation is effective immediately.  


If you can even believe that after my day I actually do have gratitude's.....

I am grateful for the amazing doctor I have. Many of my friends complain that their doctors don't listen to them. My doctor listens and cares.

I am grateful for my sweet husband who brought me home an edible fruit arrangement after the rotten day I had.

I am grateful for how good it feels laying in the tanning bed feeling warm after the day I had.

I am grateful  for fresh cookies and Salmon Tikka after the day I had.



Amanda Adams said...

I am so sorry for your day! I really understand! I have had those days before! That being said I hope you dont mind that your story made me laugh...only because I understand of course ;)

Leah M said...

OH Jo!!!!
Your resignation is NOT accepted, how about just a resignation from big trucks and womanly appointments?? Really, it all had nothing to do with mothering, and all to do with really crazy things, that just seem to hover around you...because the world know that you can handle it, and that you can laugh at yourself, see the humor, see the gratitude and share these things with all of the rest of us crazies out there!
Enjoy your fruit arrangement, it looks soooo good!!
Hang in there, you ARE a super mom!!
XO Leah

Amy said...

Amen to your thoughtful husband, you deserve a spa weekend get away after a day like that. ;)