Sunday, November 21

The miracle of women

This evening when I was getting ready to go to sell jewelery at a ladies craft sale, I was in the foulest of moods.  And poor Drew took the brunt of it.  I didn't know what to wear; I felt fat in everything; I felt like I didn't look pretty and was getting more and more frustrated.  The more frustrated I got, the more horrible of thoughts were running through my head; "You are so ugly"... which led to "You're not pretty enough for your husband"... which led to "Why do you eat at all?"... which led to "Plastic surgery is the only thing that is going to make you look decent because you're no good because you're not a size 6."  Fairly destructive to say the least.  

And what on earth could Drew possibly do when I'm telling myself that?  How could he compete with his endearing compliments and his insistence that I looked really good when he's only speaking in a normal voice and all the self destructive bull crap is yelling in my head?  I huffed out of the house, cussed myself out for obviously not being a good enough person because I'm not thinner all the way to the party/sale and even actually thought "I might as well not go" because I'm going to look so terrible.

I have a lot more internal work than I first thought. (This is one of those pretty boxes from my emotional shelf)

And then the most amazing thing happened.  Every single person at the party/sale (attendees/vendors) were women.  And they were all different shapes and sizes.  And you know what?  The first thing that two women said to me when I walked in was they thought I looked so nice, and they loved my shirt and belt.  A very good friend of mine (who invited me to the party) from across the room later in the evening mouthed to me how beautiful I looked.  I was there for five hours and laughed and joked with women of all shapes and sizes and I didn't care what they were wearing or looked like, and it never even crossed my mind once that they might have cared (or even noticed) what I was wearing... I just had a really great time.  

There is something really powerful about women.  There is something healing about being around them. 
I believe there is evil in this world, real and true, powerful and damaging, and yet it can not touch me when I am with a group of women. When women come together for a good cause (tonight was a fundraiser for a charity) there is nothing that can compete with that. Tonight I did not feel like my worth was related to my waist size. I was me, just me, and that was more then enough.

That is why we need each other.


I am grateful 


Natasha said...

And if I can comment to all the superficial stuff, one of the sexiest women alive, in my opinion, is the actress who plays Callie on Grey's Anatomy.

Amanda Adams said...

:D that was beautiful Joelle

Venessa Martens said...

An internal monologue is such a powerful thing. It's good to know I'm not the only one who has trouble taming that beast.