Saturday, November 27

An actual parenting moment

It is 7:13 on a Friday night right now, and my house is silent......everyone is asleep except me. The children are exhausted, getting up really early this morning in anticipation of a fun filled weekend. Drew is unconscious from a very draining work week. Even Nora is out.


And what am I doing when I could be doing any number of things alone. I am finishing baking 14 dozen cookies for a cookie exchange (I actually only need 8 dozen, but I miss guessed) and while I am baking,  I am reflecting on the last few days I have had as a mom.


Most of my time as a parent thus far (9 years) I feel is actually not what I would call "parenting" My idea of parenting is molding and shaping young minds, raising leaders of the future. What I have been doing so far is more like self induced slavery. I mean no disrespect with this term, but that is how I feel.
I wash clothes, cook, clean, drive, feed, clean more, wash more/again, feed again, drive/pick up, clean, feed yet again.....all to the tune of crying and stomping and demands of more, more, more from 4 little ones who don't understand gratitude yet to its fullest.


It has only been the last year or so I have begun feeling more like a "parent". Answering real questions, actually talking about things outside of our home, discussing movies. It happens more and more and I am learning these moment happen when you least expect them, and if you are not careful you could easily lose the moment without meaning to.


For example, once Ethan came upstairs after I put him to bed for the 7th time. He said "mom I need to ask you something" To which my normal response would have been, NO good night, we can talk in the morning, but for whatever reason I was not as annoyed so I asked what, and then a more serious question came up and we had a nice talk. I could have easily lost this opportunity to explain this thing to him, and allowed someone else to answer it for him with an answer I think would have been lacking.


I learned from this situation that when these small moments come up I try really hard to be in the moment with the children and ignore everything else around me. I give them 100 percent of my attention and making good use of what the child is willingly giving me of their attention.
This week this happened two times.


First time:
Ethan asked me this week out of nowhere, "What does Gay mean?"
I asked him where did you hear this word?
A friend said it.
I asked what do you think it means?
He said "I think it means when a man and another man get married"
Ooh thank heaven for small mercies..I don't have to have the sex talk just yet.
Well that is kind of it, it is when 2 men or 2 women love each other like mom and dad love each other.
Ethan said (looking confused), why does that happen?


And here is where I feel the parenting part appeared. In this exact moment I could feel the importance of how I was about to answer this. I actually felt and thought to myself, what I say in this very second will shape his little mind (actually 2 minds because Gabe had joined us now) I honestly felt calm, and peace, and I could actually see the/this moment when I will have made my sons turn one way (in thought) when they could have gone down another path. Where I actually had an influence on how they will think, and see things, for the rest of their lives. When I put love in this empty spot instead of hatred.  It was a very heavy and humbling feeling.


I said, I am not sure why that happens guys. Heavenly Father makes us all different. All I know is that we are all special and Heavenly Father loves us all, so we need to love everyone. Even if they are not like us.
I said, Your friends might use that word and call someone names, has that happened.
Both said no, and looked at me funny. (thank heavens)
I said, some people are mean, and think if you are different they can call others names and hurt them.
 Some people have even killed other people just because they looked different, had different coloured skin, or spoke different, or because they were gay.


They sat there very quiet for a while thinking about the idea of killing someone for being different.
I could feel the weight of there thoughts.
It was a good moment.


They did not ask much after that. They just kept saying "I can't believe they would kill them."


It was an actual parenting moment, and in that moment, I felt alive! I felt like there is no better, more important, more fulfilling job I could ever have then this one. I felt like I finally understood the saying "The Hand That Rocks The Cradle Is The Hand That Rules The World" poem by William R Wallace
I understood why I need to do all the other stuff in my often dry and dull days, so I am here for these moments. It was a powerful moment in my life. Not one I will forget anytime soon.




Also a parenting moment (#2 this week) I won't soon forget was today when Gabe asked me what the word shit meant.
 And after I told him all it meant was poop, but in a "not so nice way" he laughed hysterically and rolled on his bed. So much so he was actually crying. 
Why would people need another word for poop? he says, we already have crap? We then continued talking about swear words while the 2 older boys giggled and had red faces.


It was a good week.


J


Today:


I am grateful for being blessed to be a mom. Not every woman gets to have this. I often joke about being a mom, but I am thankful for this opportunity, and these children. 


I am grateful for my sweet little Seth who was singing Bruno Mars Just The Way You Are. What a beautiful thing to hear. 


I am grateful for this warm weather. Only in Canada will it go from -32 to 3 in 2 days. It is a nice break. 


I am grateful for the Grey Cup this weekend. I love football!

1 comment:

Sam and/or Monika said...

you are an amazing mother!